It’s the day before our second IUI and I’m desperately trying to figure out a way to be cautiously optimistic. It feels so...tentative. It’s hope on the defense. But I suppose that’s what happens when you’ve been stuck in the bipolar ups and downs of infertility treatments. I found some footage that illustrates this emotional roller coaster, and the reason why being hopeful feels scary. Post egg retrieval, the doctor would call us early in the morning to update us on how our embryos were doing. This clip is two of those mornings:
The truth of our situation today is that we should be excited, because we have more follicles of good size than we did during our IVF cycle. But neither one of us feels excited. It’s a practice in just being. We know that what we have today we may not have tomorrow, and I’m trying not to be too attached to the outcome, but how can I not be?
Today Noah and I went to see Pain & Gain, because Marky Mark is one of my guilty pleasures, and brainless movies help me get through the day. Tomorrow at this time we will be wondering if his (Noah's, not Mark Wahlberg's) swimmers are finally meeting their match. And either they are, or they aren’t. And that’s science and chance and life and miracles. And again, we wait.
I do like the flag day idea.... Maybe a little soldier waving a pregnancy test? :)
Posted by: Colette | May 20, 2013 at 02:02 AM
I think Labor Day, Mothers Day...and maybe Flag Day (we should get our own flag!) should be dedicated to all those laboring to one day be in labor!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | May 17, 2013 at 06:18 PM
I am really impressed by your honesty and appreciate what you are sharing. I am going through a similar situation and this mother's day was really tough. I'm not a mother yet but its not for lack of trying. If Labor Day is in honor of all the work done by laborers, maybe we should celebrate all of our efforts to become a mother on Mother's day? It's not quite the same, but it made me feel a little better.
Posted by: Colette | May 15, 2013 at 12:59 PM