Join the Movement: HOW AM I MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN WAYS LARGE AND SMALL IN THE LIVES OF PEOPLE WITH INFERTILITY?

I decided to launch this blog during National Infertility week because I wanted to find a way to make a difference in the lives of people who struggle with infertility. For the past almost 3 years now, my husband, Noah, and I have been exiled into this world of infertility against our will, and we’ve had to figure out how to survive with nothing but a shopping bag full of hormone shots and a calendar of doctors appointments. 

Noah is a television producer. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. With his film skills and my strong belief in advocacy, we started documenting our process in April 2012, a year after we started “trying.” We shot the first doctor’s appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinoloist in Los Angeles, and continued to shoot every appointment, hormone induced argument, and trip to the pharmacy right through to our failed IVF cycle. We have also been interviewing other couples, who I think of as “survivors,” who have had to be creative in building their families. Our intention is to one day share our journey to parenthood, because even though we don’t yet know how we are going to create our family, we know that we will one day be parents. I have also been writing about our experiences, but the only person thus far who has read anything I’ve written is my dad. And my dad is not currently struggling with infertility, so my words are of absolutely no help to him. They actual just upset him because he is a helpless parent watching his daughter struggle. But he is a writer who has always encouraged me to write. So now I am taking the next step and learning how to use the internet so that I can share my writing with others who feel alone and isolated on a little life raft in the terribly choppy waters of infertility. 

The archive and video posts will tell you where we’ve been. The current postings will tell you where we’re going. Our adventures in Infertility-land started in 2011.

2011 was the year we tried to start a family.

2012 was the year we failed to start a family. 

2013 is TBD.

We officially got the diagnosis of “explained infertility” when I got an HSG X-RAY that looked like this,

showing only one wonky fallopian tube. Then I had a laparoscopic surgery that looked like this,

which reveled two wonky fallopian tubes as the doc couldn’t pass ink through either tube. With seemingly no functioning fallopian tubes, we moved straight to IVF, where I learned that I also have Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR), and even though I ate this for breakfast and dinner for ten days straight,

my few follicles hardly responded. On retrieval day the RE got 3 good quality eggs, all of which fertilized, none of which divided properly. We closed shop in early December before transfer day $16,000 poorer. 

This year, so far we’ve attended several meetings about adoption. We’ve discussed donor eggs and I’ve been learning to let go of my own biology and embrace the possibility of having a child with less neurosis and nice legs. I’ve had another HSG because I’ve become a fan of having French Tipped balloons shoved up my privates, which surprisingly revealed TWO OPEN FALLOPIAN TUBES and with that, the possibility to try IUI (Intrauterine insemination), which is much less expensive and less invasive than IVF.  I went back on a steady diet of post-menopausal nuns pee injected straight to the belly, which led to one dominant follicle. Only one. But it only takes one—or so I hear. I did the dirty with a turkey baster full of my husband’s best swimmers and now we wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait. 

In the three years that we’ve been waiting for this to happen for us, I’ve successfully shared our challenges with everyone I know, thus encouraging friends, family and co-workers to check their eggs and start the baby making process as early as possible. The result has been the birth of 48 (and counting) babies to said friends, family and co-workers. Though I may not have helped infertile couples, I’ve become quite the fertility charm for others, helping everyone else hit that developmental milestone of parenthood while Noah and I watch from afar. As an LCSW, I’ve tried to start a support group, but I’m in a strange position because I’m both a peer and a professional. I know once I find an end to this journey and a beginning to our family my career will lead me to help others cope. Because I know firsthand that this is not an easy ride.

So in the mean time, as we wait, I can offer my words. I hope to bring some sense of connection and moments of laughter as well as helpful resources and coping tools. I hope to become a part of the online community of support and advocacy. Infertility shouldn’t be an island. With over 7 million people struggling to conceive there’s no reason to feel so alone. 

                        Thanks to RESOLVE.ORG for being such a great resource. Check out

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

www.resolve.org/niaw

Comments

[Alecia Madonado]

I am Alecia,from what I can read. It has been sad news and scam to everyone about Voodoo casters or so. But to me they are so real because one worked for me not quite long ago.i met this man on a blog his name is Dr Abalaka is a very powerful man.I traveled down to where his shrine his and we both did the ritual and sacrifice.he had no website yet but he promised to create one as costumers are requesting for it, and now i'm free from the powders of sickness.I don't know about you but Voodoo is real;love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,diabetic voodoo,hypertensive voodoo,high cholesterol voodoo,Trouble in marriage,Barrenness(need a child),Luck, Money Spells,he also cure any cancer and HIV,it's all he does. I used my money to purchase everything he used he never collected a dime from. He told me I can repay him anytime with anything from my heart. Now I don't know how to do that. If you can help or you need his help write him on (dr.abalaka@outlook.com) and also his cell number: 760-935-3804 you can text him because he use to be very busy some times,i believe that your story will change for better,or if you have any question you can contact me here as 1001madonado@gmail.com best of luck.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks so much Em! I see the comment here. Hope you do too. The video have been a good way to process some of this stuff. As sad and hard as it all is there are so many moments where we just have to laugh at the insanity of it all!

[Em]

I just posted a comment and I'm not sure why it's showing up. But basically what I said is that I love your blog and I love the video idea. You're a really excellent writer. I'm so sorry that you've had such a tough road. I wish that things had been different for you from the beginning, but I hope and hope and hope that it won't be long before you're holding your precious child in your arms.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

So sorry to hear the IUI didn't work. I had the same news not to long ago and jumped right back in and had my second IUI on Saturday. There is no space to really process feelings when you have to see the doc and start meds the day after you find out it didn't work. It's terrible. But being positive is important! Never lose that just because of fear that the crash will be that much harder. It's all hard so you might at well enjoy two weeks of positivity. Good on ya! For me, my mantra has been 'it will work, or it won't. I know I've done all I can.' It's not really positivity, but reality with two drops of optimism.The baby meant to be will be, we just have to keep our heads up and our eyes on the prize. You are NOT alone! Good luck on round two of IUI. Stay positive and hopeful! The alternative is so much worse.

[Blake]

Two weeks ago, I had my first IUI. It wasn't successful. Before going into it, I had feelings of it not working, but only to help lessen the blow if that was the case. After talking to my sister, I decided to take the other road, and believe with my whole heart that it was going to work. So for next two weeks, I was feeling extremely positive. When I found out it didn't work, I was devastated. What I just found out from your blog, was that last week was National Infertility Awareness Week. How ironic? Coincidental? A sign? I know I'm not alone in this whole process, but at times, thats exactly how I feel. This week is better, and I think I'm ready to try again this month.