Noah told me not to obsess. He said we have to get some space from all of this so we could thoughtfully plan our next course of action. But when have I really listened to him? A gal can only cry so much before she has to DO something, right?
So what could I do? I couldn’t make a baby. I couldn’t get in touch with my sister who was holed up in a yurt somewhere in Mexico at a month-long yoga retreat, so I couldn’t secure a verbal pinky promise that instead of a gift card from J CREW this year, she would give me her eggs for Hanukkah. I couldn’t get any real tangible answers as to what happened to our embryos until we saw the doctor on Monday to debrief. But, I COULD look things up online, all through the day and night. So that’s what I did.
My first search was for orphanages in Ghana. Up popped an adoption agency that worked with Ghana, among other places. On the site were dozens of photographs of children from all over the world who needed homes, all of them with some kind of physical or mental disability. I felt like maybe it was our destiny to adopt a child who needed food and shelter and love, but the scrolling photos of disabled children was too heartbreaking. I wasn’t there yet.
My second search was embryo donation or adoptions. I read somewhere that many couples who successfully conceive will donate their embryos to people who need them. It is totally strange to be carrying another couples complete baby, but then again, what is adoption? Only this way there are less legalities because I would be the birth mother and I would have the opportunity to carry. But that would be more expensive than doing another IVF round with just us! It would be upwards of $17,000! Which does NOT sound like any kind of donation!
The third search was for grants and scholarships. I Googled “IVF grants” and found a few. Most were state specific and required a lot of financial information. I figured we may not qualify based on household income but there were two that would be worth a shot. I bookmarked those pages and noted the application deadlines and tried not to feel like I was trying to get the IVF equivalent of food stamps.
The fourth search was for the pharmaceutical companies that administered the injectable medications. There were a few companies, Ferring, Design RX, and Serono. Serono offered an application to apply for one free round of IVF meds and happened to be the one company that did not manufacture any of the meds I was on.
The fifth search was for cute pictures of otters. Dailyotter.org is my personal favorite website.
The sixth search was “IVF medical tourism” which landed me on various sites that helped book travel to different countries based on need. Dental implants, liposuction, IVF, it was all there. There was a site that listed comparison average costs for IVF per cycle in 2009 by country. Argentina $4,160. Austria $3,600. China $2,400. India $3,238. Japan $4,067. Korea $1,781. Netherlands $2598. Pakistan $1618. Russia $3,400. Turkey $3,000. And so on and so forth, until you get to the very bottom. USA $12,146. God bless these United States. I could have four chances at this in Qatar for the cost of one round here at home. I started thinking more and more about Israel and put “re-consult with Dr. Kol in Haifa, Israel” on my to do list. Last we spoke via Skype, I believe he said one round including meds would be $6,000.
The seventh search was “IVF memoir” and after writing down a few titles, I decided to turn the computer off and crawl out of the IVF cyber sink-hole I was in and walk to the local library to try to find the books.
The little local library in Marina Del Rey is a total dump. It’s a place for the partially homeless to stay warm and read comic books. Old men with bloody scabs on their cheeks from nicking themselves with a rusty razor. Young tattooed tweakers using the super-slow plug in internet to check Craigslist.org for used skateboards. Borderline mentally ill women with wildly colored hair and shopping bags full of stuff looking through the video selection. Depressing. The library carried none of the books I wanted so I got a Walter Mosely novel and walked over to the bulk candy aisle at Gelsons to stock up on cinnamon gummy bears that make me salivate and sweat the second they hit my tongue.
When I got home I figured I had enough of a break from my research and I went back at it.
My eighth search was on other IVF doctors I had heard good things about to look at their success rates, to try and decide if we want to get a second opinion. Dr. N has been great and we wanted him to be our doctor, but as a consumer, it might be a good idea to get another perspective.
My ninth search was Travelocity and Expedia in search of estimated plane costs to Israel—the possibility sinking further into my mind.
My tenth search was “What to do after a failed IVF cycle?” but the minute hundreds of blogs and infertility chat room sites popped up, I aborted my mission and closed the window.
Hi Maya, I just came across your blog today along my jounrey through IF island...I love your posts so much! They deeply resonate with me. Although I have not been through all that you've described here (yet!), I can totally identify with the infertility-cyber sink hole that you talk about. I am very happy things worked out well with your family. You give me hope.
Regards,
Dee
Posted by: Dee | October 02, 2018 at 11:04 PM