My Issue with the Term Sister-Moms

I found an article about sisters donating eggs in the February issue of Glamour Magazine. It described the increase in the number of women using donor eggs from a sibling (5-10%) and shared two sisters path to growing their family. While I thought it was good to see something written about the subject because it helps normalize the process,  I really took issue with the term "Sister-Mom."

Why? Why did that term rub me the wrong way? When a woman puts her child up for adoption, she is considered the biological mom, so what's the big whoop with the term Sister-Mom? 

There was a column on the right side of the last page of the article that highlighted several sister-sets that read, "Introducing the Sister-Moms" as if they were some new species of human. I found myself saying, "they aren't sister-moms, they are sisters who donated their eggs! They are sister-donors! They are aunts! They may also be moms to their own children, but they are not sister-moms!" 

Was I jacked up on too many hormones and feeling frustrated about my path at the time? Perhaps. But I re-read the article tonight and felt the same way. The term Sister-Mom doesn't feel appropriate. It seems confusing and cutesy. My sister in no way wants to be the mother of my eventual children. She wants to be their favorite auntie, and that's it. 

As the infertility world gets larger and science enables all kinds of miracles and new possibilities for family building, I think it's important that we all pay attention to language. New words and terms will have to be created, I suppose, but they should be created with tact and clarity, not with an attempt to be cute or sensational.

If we end up making a baby with my sister's eggs, our child will know how he/she was made. He/she will know that a lot of people wanted them to be born and contributed to their creation. And he/she will know the gift their Aunt Hana gave their mom.  Their only mom. 

Unless they're little brats, then Hana can have them back!

Comments

[Gladys]

Good point! I think you should start coining new terms for this process!!

[Kandie]

Thanks! I don't know why either. My doctor says more thank likely I wasn't born with normal amount to begin with. I am seeing Dr. Sherman Silber in St. Louis. He is great. I don't think they offer Minimal IVF at most places. They didn't in Little Rock, where I was previously going.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

So weird, right? Glad I'm not the only one to think so. It's like a Brangelina term. I hope the word dies a quick death. ;)

[Em]

You're so right! I absolutely agree. I wonder if Glamour just made up this term and it will likely die soon (hopefully) or if this is terminology that's spreading around the IF world. I suppose each family can decide what they want this process to look like and what words they want to use to describe it, but like I said, I agree with you. I don't like it either.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Wow Kandie! Amazing to have a twin willing to donate to you. It's so hard to have to go through so much to find answers. What I keep wondering is why I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve at my age, but I haven't had much luck getting answers. I guess right now the focus has to be not why but how. How will we make our family. Good luck with the mini-IVF. I'm curious to know how that works and have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

[Kandie]

I read the same article as I was waiting in the exam room of my doctor's office after my 4th unsuccessful IUI! I picked up Glamour over the parenting magazines and was shocked to see that article. Ha, I laughed because the month before my (twin) sister had made a trip with me to the doctor's office and told me she would give me her eggs! That was all before I found out that I had poor ovarian reserve. The only way I found out was by switching doctors. My previous RE kept saying unexplained. Anyway we are scheduled for back to back retrievals. We are doing mini-IVF instead of traditional. Our first retrieval is middle of June. I won't know until then the quality of my eggs. I am praying I have good eggs! I have been following your blog for about a month now. Glad you are blessed with an amazing sister! I will be praying for you!