The business of being conceived

I got this flier in the mail the other day.

And it totally pissed me off.

It's from a reproductive medical group, and just reminded me how much of a business baby making actually is.  The problems I have are medical and result in the dysfunction of my reproductive system, yet the medical field treats the issue of reproduction like a choice. Like it's an elective procedure. Like liposuction. I guess IVF is an elective procedure. It is a choice, but one that people make when they feel like they have no other choices, or when they are told by doctors that they have no other choices.

Many people have surgeries to enhance their quality of life and/or to diminish pain. These surgeries aren't necessarily life and death, but they're important. Like removing a bunion for example. That bunion surgery would be covered by insurance, most likely. When I think about the financial aspect of infertility and how much worse it makes the already stressful and agonizing process, I get angry and resentful. I go to the www.resolve.org website to try and see what I can do. Who I can write to. And then Noah tells me this is just what it is. This is what these doctors charge. This is how health insurance in our country works. 

It may not always be like this, and there are steps to advocating for change. But for now, I have to bite the bullet. I have to call around about interest free loans (and there are some for IVF) and figure out how to let go of the anger and focus on the road ahead. 

Many people I've talked to have spent upwards of 100k, some even more than 250k to build their family. After all is said and done they are happy. They don't look back, and they feel it is money well spent. I still think it's insane and an insane luxury that only some people can afford. Having a family isn't a luxury. It's a vital part of being human. 

Comments

[Kristine]

I just recently discovered your blog and I want to thank you both for sharing your story with us! Additionally it's extremely well-written and I will definitely continue reading your story (hopefully there will be some very good news soon- I'm keeping my fingers crossed).
As you may have guessed I'm also belonging to this "special group". Even though I'm living in a different part of the world it's amazing to see how universal the feelings related to infertility and ART is. One thing that upsets me though is the huge difference there is being in need of infertility treatment in USA and, in my situation, Norway. Having to consider the financial part of the baby making when you are in that process is definitely not a thing you should have to do (it's a mountain of other worries). In my country we're lucky enough to get most of the expenses covered (as long as it not exceeds three IVF treatments) and I'm so thankful for that. My biggest sympathy to you guys!