After one IVF and two IUI's, both with maximum meds, I looked like a manatee. A manatee that accidentally swallowed a buoy. As much as I tried to give myself the benefit of the doubt--I had just been injecting crazy amount of hormones directly into my stomach--it was hard not to let that get to me. After a few weeks, the puffy look went down as I slowly inched back towards my normal weight, but the feeling of being bloated and heavy kind of lingers. I can't tell if it's in my mind or around my waist.
I still feel bigger, I am bigger, and it's just so unfair that not only did feel awful during all of this but I looked...not so good. (Notice how there is no video accompanying today's post? I'll spare everyone). I've tried not to be vain and have convinced myself it's ok not to look and feel my best during this time, but three years!? Enough already.
With all the yoga I'm doing I'm finally starting to feel strong again. I still have the layer of persistent chubs, but it's not about that. It's about feeling strong and solid and good. It's so hard to have a loving relationship with my body these days, but I'm trying, because it's important. Hopefully it will be a house to our baby soon, so I have to do my best to take good care of it and be kind to it. When I look in the mirror I have to remind myself that it is not a manatee starring back at me, but a determined mother-to-be who will go to any lengths, look like any sea creature, to try and make a baby.
I hear ya Jen! It;s so unfair. All of it. I find myself knocking into things I didn't use to knock into only because my back side is so much bigger than it was! My newest physical battle is my sink FREAKING OUT on the birth control pills I'm on. WHy does this process have to be SOOOO not cute?
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 19, 2013 at 12:49 PM
Thanks for saying this and making me laugh/cry. I just found your blog. I can really relate to what you are saying. I'm on so many meds every cycle and I feel like I just keep bloating more and more. What is this?? I'm starting to think I look pregnant which is so cruel when I have been trying for 2.5 years with no luck. I hope I can be pregnant one day (soon) so I can wear my bloated belly with pride! Now I just feel fat and try to hide. Ugh. And my pants are starting to not fit. Double ugh. But of course I don't want to buy any new clothes because I need to save for whatever the next round of treatment will bring.
Posted by: Jen | July 19, 2013 at 12:13 PM
Thank you! I hope it helps others. So many people go through this, 7.3 million was the last I heard, and so few people really talk about it. So here I am! Hoping to help others feel less isolated and crazy because you're right, it is a long and emotional journey.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 04, 2013 at 03:01 PM
Inspiring words, you are extremely brave to be sharing your experiences. It really can help others that are going through the same things as you, IVF treatment can be a long and emotional journey and it is great for others to hear your story.
Posted by: Benenden Fertility Centre | July 03, 2013 at 04:29 AM