I've felt a serious shift in the last few weeks, or specifically the weeks following that adoption meeting. It's like I suddenly know everything is going to be alright. Noah says it to me all the time, and while I've always kind of believed him, I now know it to be true. Babies exist. And I can get one. The end. I would highly recommend to anyone going through infertility to go to different adoption agencies in your area just to check them out. Even if you're not ready for it, even if you're not there yet. If adopting is an option for you then it doesn't hurt to check out. I wish I would have done this years ago just to have a sense of calm that even if my body completely fails me I can still have a family.
The other thing I would highly recommend if the expense of infertility is a struggle, is to look into and apply for grants. I did this several months ago and we just found out we are recipients of a grant from Baby Quest Foundation http://www.babyquestfoundation.org that will help cover some of the cost of our next IVF procedure. Baby Quest Foundation is founded by an amazing mother-daughter duo who really want to help lessen the financial burden of family building and allow people who normally could not do so to access treatments. Finding out that we have some financial support from Baby Quest has been such a sigh of relief for us. A few other foundations that award grants I have recently learned about are: http://mavericksmiraclebabies.org and http://www.parenthoodforme.org
The third thing I would recommend is to find something else, preferably physical, to immerse yourself in. Infertilty is all consuming and it really impacts your mind, body, and spirit. My relationship with my body has been not good for the past year. I've been angry at it for not working right, and now it is angry at me for jamming hormones into it and feeding it junk food. I decided to sign up for a yoga teacher training with one of my favorite teachers Ally Hamilton, founder of Yogis Anonymous in Santa Monica http://yogisanonymous.com. After my first three days of training I feel better than I have in the past year. More on yoga in the coming weeks.
There are tons of other self care tools and things to do to distract yourself or make yourself laugh, but these three things I realized have really REALLY helped me survive this rough time.
I sent a message to baby quest simply asking why there is a $50 application fee and then you have to pay $250 for a background check...the reason people are trying to get grants is because they can't afford the treatments-but then to ask for $300 upfront with no guarantee you will be selected it's like the flippin Publishers Clearing House! I was simply asking because like many people wanting to ensure this business is legit. I got a message back from them saying I'm sorry this charity doesn't meet your needs...Really? No response to my questions. I'm sorry but what response is that? Ask a question and they basically blow you off. I'd rather not gamble $300 with theses people!
Posted by: Kris | January 15, 2017 at 09:29 AM
Looking into BabyQuest for the possibility of help with infertility costs - and was concerned about legitimacy. Thanks for you blog. I might be adding you to my list of blogs to read along my journey.
Posted by: Kate | April 01, 2014 at 01:32 PM
Ashley, BabyQuest is totally legit! (But I'm not sure if Parenthood For Me inc. is, I never heard anything back at all). But BabyQuest is run by a mother daughter team and they are the nicest people ever! The daughter went through infertility and so they created this foundation to help others. We got a partial grant, so if you can afford anything yourself do indicate that. Some help is better than none! Totally apply! Best of luck to you!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 29, 2013 at 02:20 PM
I love your blog! I was thinking about applying for a Baby Quest grant, but I couldn't find any legitimate reviews since the company was so new (and since they require an application fee and so much personal information, I wanted to be sure that I wasn't getting myself into a scam or ID theft circumstance). Was your experience with them good (I assume so since you received a grant- CONGRATS!). I would love to know more about your experience with them if you would be willing to share.
Posted by: Ashley | July 29, 2013 at 09:24 AM
You have to always be hopeful. Or cautiously optimistic as one of my doctors says. IVF works. It's a scientific miracle, and it does work. If you have eggs and sperm you have a chance. But it doesn't always work on the first try, and for some people it isn't IT. But some how, some way we will both have babies and we will convince ourselves it will all have been worth it. At least I hope so. Being able to sit with my feelings and accept and embrace them for whatever they are in the moment has been one of my life lessons. Please keep me posted on how it goes for you. Stay positive, the alternative is really dark and no fun at all.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | June 14, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Thank you, that's a great mantra to remember as well. That's why I am so scared, I don't want to let myself believe that the IVF will be IT because I need to be able protect myself and my emotions if it doesn't work out but I don't want to shut out hope completely either. Thanks for your well wishes. I really hope your upcoming donor egg cycle is your answer!
Posted by: Val | June 13, 2013 at 10:06 AM
Glad that's helpful. It helps me everyday. Another one of my mantras that I got from a friend is "every parent suffers for their children, we're just doing it early." I was so anxious before my first IVF cycle, it felt like we had everything riding on it working. And we did--money, hope, the investment of what I had done to my body. When it didn't work I was totally devastated because that was our answer, IVF was it! What I've come to terms with now is that IVF is an answer for many, but that there are other solutions too. Babies do exist, and we CAN get one. I have no regrets that we tried IVF with my eggs, given our slim chance. It's something we had to do to get to the next step. That said, I hope IVF is your answer! My fingers and toes are crossed for you.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | June 12, 2013 at 08:18 PM
Awesome post! Your comment "Babies exist. And I can get one." is great. Ever since I read that it has helped me tremendously in the way I think about things and moving forward. We are going on three years of unexplained infertility and getting ready to do our first IVF cycle in August and I am going crazy worrying about it. That quote will get me through, thank you!
Posted by: Val | June 12, 2013 at 01:07 PM