So my sister and I had our appointment with the Doc this morning and once again we had good news and bad news. The good news is that my sister is awesome. As a human being. As a doctor. As a donor. 22 follicles and a good attitude. I can't ask for anything more! Then there is me. The bad news with the bad attitude. I still have one cyst on my ovary and it can't be there. But it is. So what does this mean?
We still move forward. I started Lupron and was actually really relieved that the shot was a tiny thing (though I know it packs a big punch as it will be putting me into menopause in a two week time period). We wait until next Friday to see if the dumb cyst disappears on its own. If it does, great. If it doesn't, the doctor gave me a handful of shitty options, the best one being aspirate it for several thousand dollars and keep moving forward.
I had this moment in his office where I just felt rage flush over my face. I was upset that the cyst was still there and my body was not cooperating. I felt guilty dragging my sweet sister into all this. I was overwhelmed by the appointment and medication schedule. And then the Doc was telling me not to be anxious or negative and I suddenly felt the urge to punch him in the face! I know he's just doing his job and it's not about him but sometimes it's all too much!
Noah keeps telling me to channel my yogi mind. I've been very accepting and present focused and optimistic since starting my yoga teacher training program. But sometimes I have to just be upset and let it out and THAT'S OKAY! I hate that we have to do this! I hate that four of my friends are going to give birth in the three weeks we are going through all this crap! I hate that we are at the doctor every other day for the next few weeks! I hate when the doctor tells me I have to go with the flow! I hate my cyst! I'm going to call him Eloise. Hopefully that will give him an identity crisis and he will skip town.
Ok. I've had my tantrum. I feel better. I will accept and be hopeful and positive tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to eat honey nut cheerios in bed and read a trashy magazine.
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