So a box of Lupron is supposed to arrive today. It's the only med I haven't yet been on, and it kind of terrifies me. I believe its main purpose is to shut down my reproductive system and essentially put me into menopause. I never thought at 33 I'd be electively going into a simulated menopause.
I keep thinking, "This can't be good." And it can't. But I can't think about it. If I think about any of this too much it all starts to sound insane. I'm tricking my body into menopause, then telling it it has to get ready to be pregnant, then praying an embryo made from my sister and my husband can grow in it. I feel like I'm going to wake up one morning and my body is going to go, "Hold up! Seems like some things are out of order here, girl!"
Because I've made this decision to go forward, it's best not to think. Not to think. Not to Google. Not to wonder. It's unlike me to behave this way. I like being informed and asking questions. But I think this time I just don't want to know the answers. Is that terribly ignorant of me?
Thanks for your thoughts ladies. Remembering it won't always be like this is helpful and yes, I obsess until I freak out and then that's it. Computer off. Brain off. We're in it to win it. As we gear up to do this IVF round with my sister (July 18th I start that lovely Lupron) there is so much to potentially freak out about, so staying calm and relaxed and away from Google is probably the best idea. Thanks for the support!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 04, 2013 at 02:59 PM
Nope I think that is the smart decision! It's funny I am the same way. I can read for hours on the internet when I know the next step is far away. But then when it starts getting closer I stop. You have to if you want to stay calm and relaxed, which is what your body needs you to do! :)
Posted by: Kandie | July 03, 2013 at 06:20 AM
Just started following your blog - thank you for being so honest. It's a not a road anyone ever expects to take and as well it's something that most don't fully understand unless they've been through it. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and thinking good thoughts.
We went down that road...it'll get better.
Posted by: Celeste | July 02, 2013 at 06:16 PM