Well I made it through the weekend, primarily on my back. I was starting to get a little concerned when my ass began to merge with the couch, but for a busy body like myself, I think I did a pretty good job. I did have a lot of support and distractions though. Some awesome girlfriends came by to take turns babysitting me and brought treats and flowers and smiles. My parents took a few turns bringing food and spending time. And then my group of yogi friends came to do our teacher training sessions at my house. We are doing our final practice teaches, which I must say is a challenge when I can't do any of the poses. But it definitely distracted my brain from wondering if my embryos were still in there, if there were hatching and sticking, and if they were normal and going to make it.
The list of worries while on bed rest is enough to drive a gal cray cray! I freaked out the first time I had to cough and my eyeballs nearly popped out trying to hold in a sneeze, as if these two actions would cause my abs to squish our embryos or something. I've been eating pineapple core and only warm foods and drinks, which I read helps with implantation, but have been obsessing over whats too much or too little, too hot or too cold. At the end of the day I know this is either going to work, or it's not, but if there is anything in my power I can do to help I'm going to do it. I guess maybe it's a false sense of control for me, which is a little worrisome, because what if it doesn't work? Will I blame myself for eating too much pineapple or for sneezing? I can't go there. I'll do my best and let go.
It's so crazy how each step of this process I'm actually just leaping over the next big hurdle, but I never feel like I'm in the clear. I guess I'm not. I won't think about all the other things we have to get through and instead will just focus on today. The present moment. Visualizing my little cauliflower looking babies busting out of their shell and nuzzling into my lining. I will be ever grateful for all the friends and family who have been on this journey with us, and for Noah, who wakes up through the night to make sure I'm sleeping on my back. Yeah, he literally builds a little pillow wall around me to keep me on my back because I'm a stomach sleeper, and when he unconsciously senses I'm creeping onto my tummy, he pulls me onto my back. We're insane. No one said I couldn't sleep on my stomach. But after this long of living with infertility nothing seems crazy and everything seems worth a try.
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