Enough already!

I made it through the week--barely. By the skin of my teeth. Is that the phrase? It's kind of gross.  But anyway. So I work really long days on Weds and Thurs, and on Weds I  was at the end of my rope. Or the end of my non-existent teeth skin...

As a social worker, I work in a predominately female dominated field, which makes going through infertility even harder. In some ways it's great to have good girlfriends at work who are super supportive and understanding. I have that and am forever grateful to my little crew. But the down side of working with mostly women is that someone is ALWAYS pregnant, or just had a baby, or obsessed with talking about their baby. Always. I have lived through more than a dozen pregnancies and births at work in the time I've been trying, and now I'm living through second pregnancies and births in the time I've been trying. Let me tell you, number two is no charm. I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE HAVING SECOND BABIES IN THE TIME I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SCRAPE TOGETHER PIECES TO MAKE SOME KIND OF JAMBALAYA OF A BABY!!

There. I got that off my chest. Weds brought yet another second pregnancy announcement as well as the news that one of my former clients, a kid I worked with when he was in middle school a few years back, just became a baby daddy. HE'S IN HIGH SCHOOL!!  

I drove home Weds and called my dad so I could scream about the injustices of the world and the disbelief in where I'm at in my life, and before I drove into the parking garage at home I stopped. I had two choices. To cry and feel sorry for myself or to laugh at the utter ridiculousness that this has become. Of course a former client in high school just had a baby. Of course women ten years older than me are getting pregnant, again. 

I chose laughter. Why not? I may as well laugh. I taught my friends yoga that night, which felt great to do, and I got in bed and thought about other job options that are more male dominated. So far I've come up with a plumber and a mechanic and a bank exec.  None of these really speak to my strength of talking about feelings. Hm. I'll have to think it through a little more.

Sending love to all of you on IF Island, and a double dose of love to any teachers or social workers or nurses or anyone else who may have found themselves surrounded by belly bumps this week!

Comments

[Dina]

Every day it is hard for me to see someone pregnant but I usually forget about it after a few minutes.

But when someone who is pregnant talk about their pregnancy then I just want to get out of that room. It is hard to fake to be happy for them.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

I hope my last post wasn't too bitter--but I think it's totally rational to feel a little...triggered by belly bumps. Especially those of co-workers we have to see every day or KIDS WE WORK WITH!!! When I went to this adoptions agency a few months back, they told us a story about a high school teacher who ended up adopting one of his student's baby. It was an open adoption and everyone was apparently really happy. I don't know. All I know is it takes a LOT to stabilize my feelings and very little to throw me off my game. Here to finding emotional balance this weekend ladies! Put the blinders on to anything or anyone that may stir up some uncomfortable feelings (we all WANT to be happy for other people but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way) and do something nice for yourselves!

[Jody]

It's even harder when my high school students are pregnant...and need me for support. I just keep on hoping for the best for both of us, Maya!

[M]

As I was about to comment on this post, I received a text messages pic of a friend's newborn. Arrived today. I know exactly how you feel. My friend and I started trying around the same time and her second is nearly here. It hurts. Stay strong!

[Robin]

I work at a middle school and a teacher there was pregnant during the last school year. She became pregnant shortly after my second miscarriage and it was very hard for me to be around her as her belly grew and grew over the months; it was a constant reminder of what I had just lost. She gave birth late in the spring and now that she is back in her non-pregnant body, I am able to be around her again without wanting to cry, scream and/or run away. I can even look at pictures of her adorable son without cursing my own body's reproductive issues. It felt good to read your blog because I felt like such a horrible person for not being able to share in her pregnancy excitement. I have forgiven myself since and have put all that energy into thinking positive thoughts about my next IVF attempt. Sending some of those positive thoughts you way!