This morning I woke up feeling grumpy. It's officially been two full weeks since our IVF didn't work and now I feel like it's time to go back to living my normal life, and it feels crappy. The first week post bad news is shock, the second week is healing, and now it kind of is what it is, and though I know I have to still be kind to myself and all that, there comes a point when I just have to get back to my life. Whatever that may look like.
Noah took one look at me this morning and said, "You have the whole day ahead of you, decide what it's going to be." I wanted to punch him in the face, but he was right. It's a balancing act. Honoring my feelings, taking into account the gloomy morning, not sleeping very well, hormones, life frustrations...blah blah blah and also deciding to be ok with where I am and what my life looks like right now. My life looks nothing like I imagined it would at 33, but it's my life and I have a lot to be thankful for.
One thing I'm very thankful for are friends that help me step out of my reality for a second. One such gal is my good friend G-Funk, who is dragging me...(taking me?) to a cardio hip hop class tonight. Me + cardio + hip hop = disaster, but I know it will be fun and will get me out of my negative head space for an hour. I can't think of anything else when I'm trying to keep up with some crazy choreography.
Those are the things I have to push myself to do right now. It's easy to be alone and to be sad. All signs point in that direction after an unsuccessful summer long adventure in IVF land. But it's just as easy to say yes to trying new things, to agreeing to tag along to a dance class, however embarrassing it may be, to get out of the house.
I am on the same boat as you. I found out that our first IVF cycle failed Oct 1st. I don't really have any support except my Hubby and I just feel like my best friend who has a 6 mos. old just wouldn't understand so I just try to take it day by day. IVF is not a 100% and some people just don't understand that. We are meeting with a different doctor soon just to see what his plan of action would be next and then compare it to our IVF doctor. If we stick with our doctor then our second IVF will be December and if it's with a new doctor it'll be February waiting list. I'm just trying to enjoy everything I can before I start stims again. Hang in there!
Posted by: rezel | October 08, 2013 at 01:00 PM
I've gone the Zumba route. It's not a pretty scene but it is fun and buys about an hour of having nothing on my mind except where to put my feet. It's super hard. This week has actually been rough but we got to do what we can, right? Thanks for commenting. It's good to know others related.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | September 12, 2013 at 08:56 AM
I know how you feel :( Sometimes it takes everything in you to just motivate yourself to take a baby step back into "normal life." I've been immersing myself in Zumba. I look like an idiot, but it is tons of stress relief. Have a great day!
Posted by: Aneonprincess.wordpress.com | September 11, 2013 at 12:09 PM