Maya asked me to submit a guest blog for this week. I think she's convinced that many of you take an added interest in what I have to say for some insight into the male point-of-view regarding infertility and IVF and embryo transfers. Honestly, it does make me smile to think somebody may go back to their husband or partner and say, "this guy is so emotional and he and his wife communicate so well. we can do that, too!" Then I remember that my emotional output is somewhere between Dr. Spock and Patrick Bateman and I figure you're husbands are probably being more emotional than you're giving them credit for.
There is a lot of hyperbole that gets thrown around in our daily lives and rarely is it true. The federal government is the worst thing to happen to America since forever. Miley Cyrus is the sexiest being on the planet. Cronuts are the tastiest food in the world. When it comes to this life of trying to build a family, though, hyperbole goes out the window. Everything we do in this process is a really big deal. Every shot, every transfer, every failure has a chance to change our families - for the better - forever. And no matter how I appear on the outside, I'm thinking about this all the time on the inside.
This upcoming transfer of our "lone ranger" in many ways is our last chance at this. The expenses - financial, emotional, and to Maya's body - are piling up. A loss here and we are back at square one. And that, frankly, scares the hell out of me. I FEEL (point for me!) that going through this process for as long as we have - and I am in awe of those of you who have done it longer - tweaks how you view the next transfer or the next IUI. Time stretches and emotion goes in waves and you get to the point where you don't put the same pressure on yourself for the next event because you've failed so much in the past. In some ways that helps, you're managing your own expectations. You're also guarding your own emotions from the possibility of another loss. One thing I try to remind myself and my wife of, though, is to stay positive. This can be it. This can be our winner. This can be the one. This can be the next step in our lives and, hopefully, this can be the end of a painful odyssey and the beginning of a new and scary and spectacular one (yes, I view children as both scary and spectacular).
This is all a long-winded way of saying, I have feelings and I know what's on the line for us in our upcoming FET. Dear reader, even if your husband or wife or partner or Miley Cyrus poster aren't emoting the same as you or the way you'd like them to, please know that those quiet waters run deep. We're all invested in this in the same way, we just show in it our own ways. And sometimes it's tough for us to communicate it through the ol' mouth hole. My wife knows this. And if she doesn't, hopefully she will read this post and stop hassling me about my feelings.
Have an awesome Friday and good luck with your next step.
"Patrick Bateman" OMG I totally laughed out loud on that one! Thanks so much for your post. It is tough for a woman to try and gauge her husband's emotional investment. I know my husband is supportive and appreciates and is amazed at all I go through but I honestly don't think he thinks about it on the daily basis I do. We have our own business and he is much more invested mentally and emotionally in that. Despite our mounting failures, he is unreasonably optimistic and sometimes I mistake his "it's gonna happen for us so I'm not gonna sweat it" attitude as detached.
PS- you are both so funny. Reading this blog is almost like reading my own thoughts!!
Posted by: Cheryl | October 18, 2013 at 01:14 PM