One thing I've noticed is that I've become very obsessed with all the daily thoughts and decisions and worries that come up on IF Island. I'm always a little obsessive and type A about things, but when it comes to IVF and all things related I can really drive myself nuts.
I think back to all the other decisions and worries I had during the various cycles we've been through, and at the end of the day have come to the conclusion that a lot of the detail doesn't matter all that much. There is always a way to regret or to wonder if...if we waited, if we put in two instead of three, if we had a different doctor, a different nurse, a different embryologist, if we aspirated that one cyst instead of let it dissolve would the batch of eggs that months have been different...if if IF. It's too much. The reality is I'll never know. I don't know if trying to push forward with the FET is a good idea or if we should wait another month. At the end of the day it's either going to work, or it's not. I will set myself up as best I can, and that's it.
I think I'm getting a little freaked out because this is literally our last shot. Our last embryo. Our last hope for now. But not forever. We will find a way to have a family, and that's the bigger picture. When we are finally counting fingers and toes we won't remember how many IUI cycles we did or how much medicaiton I was on, or if we waited an extra week to start a cycle or not. What is seemingly life or death right now will be a distant memory. I can't friggin' wait until that day comes!
Totally Samantha. The doctor will say, "so we're going to just add blah blah blah shots to see if blah blah blah happens" and I'm like "WE?!! TOO SEE WHAT HAPPENS?" Sometimes I imagine that my face just turns into a guinea pig right there and then. I'm learning to just nod and say, "OK" now. It ain't easy, especially when a Type A gal like myself is all jacked up on hormones. Thanks for the support!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | October 16, 2013 at 08:28 PM
The hardest thing going through this is the lack of control and leaving the decision to someone else, the toughest thing I had to learn was to roll with the punches - which is hard when they keep on coming. I hated feeling like a science experiment, all the changes and "we're going to try this..." In the end I think, as hard as it is, you have to let it go and just trust. I'm rooting for you and the Lone Ranger, you two got this! Xx
Posted by: Samantha | October 16, 2013 at 08:01 PM