This journey through the land of infertility that we’re going through is overflowing with metaphors and analogies. We use them to help ourselves put things in perspective and to try to give the outside population some sort of reference point for what this is all like. So you’ll forgive me if I pull out the old “we’re in a car driving along a never-ending road” adage in today’s guest post.
Journey, driving, blah, blah, blah, our latest blown tire or breakdown on the side of the Infertility Highway. Maya, as you know, has long been a proponent of getting the car moving again as quickly as possible after we get derailed on our drive towards Family City. She’s amazing that way. She’s like an emotional NASCAR pit crew. Every time we have a breakdown, though, my instinct is to step away from the vehicle, to take stock of where we are and to take a moment to collect ourselves on the side of the road. Let’s catch our breaths; even for just a moment. These have always been our differing styles of dealing and coping, not just with infertility but with major roadblocks in life. In completing our third year on this journey, Maya and I have changed and grown in huge ways, but this differing of opinions and styles shows up, unchanged, after every unsuccessful attempt at IVF/IUI/FET. I also add FML. While "FML" is not a medical term, it is applicable here.
Sometimes Maya will ask me if she wasn't the one pushing us ahead to the next event, how I would proceed. I say "hmm" as if choosing from a list of many options, though I think instead of my answer she imagines me on the couch watching Bob's Burgers reruns and half-researching IVF success percentages on the Internet. So maybe it's good that one of us is always thinking and always moving.
We keep asking ourselves how we continue down this path when one of us wants to calm down for a minute (“let’s take the rest of this year off and enjoy the holidays with our family and the friends we haven’t discarded”) and the other wants to keep driving (“I have so many doctors to call! Now!”) 100mph until we either reach our destination or the car breaks down again. What do I do? How do I help my wife step away from the vehicle?
We will fix our car. We will get back on the road. Some how. We will not stop until we reach our destination. But, holy shit, sometimes I need to pull over at a rest stop for coffee and a pee.
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