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November 04, 2013

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Don't Count Your Eggs

Oh Alice. I'm so sorry. That just sucks. I hate when people try to make a loss like that better by telling you it's normal blah blah blah. While miscarriage is common, nothing about being in this world feels normal. You have to give yourself time to grieve and be sad and I wish you so much love and healing. When you're ready, you can start counting your blessings. I call that counting what I have left. I did that often during our cycles and sadly things just kept getting cut off the list. By the end, my list was: I have legs, a seemingly functional uterus, a husband with sperm (no small thing) and a sister. We were "unexplained" for over a year and my list was longer then. But even as time went on and I learned more about what was going on, I still had some things on that list. Some is better than none. Counting what you have left, recognizing what your health coverage pays for, and reminding yourself you were able to get pregnant are all good things. While I always felt I wanted to trust that doctors know more than me, I also wanted to feel proactive, which means researching and advocating for yourself. Looking into other tests (did you do the genetic test, we call it Counsyl here), discussing the possibility of adding supplements (I've read about people taking baby aspirin or progesterone when there has been a miscarriage history but obviously I'm not a doctor) with your doctor, and then finding ways to enjoy your life and your relationship. Staying healthy, maybe trying yoga or acupuncture or some alternative routes. You will make your family some how, some way. I hope soon. Know that you are NOT alone! WIshing you all the best.

And Jody, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow! Hope those babies thaw beautifully and snuggle in!
Thanks for the vibes KB...I meditated again this morning and it felt great!

Jody

Thank you, Maya! Gearing up for tomorrow. :)

Alice

Your words meant a lot to me today. Thank you. I've been reading your blog for a few months. I started trying for a baby in August last year. I'm a bit of a control freak so in February this year I decided to go to the doctor and start some initial checks to see if everything was ok with me and my boyfriend. While we did all tests and waited we carried on trying; the results were all perfect. I even had a laparoscopy in June. So we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility and were offered IUI (I live in London and the NHS - National Health Service - funds fertility treatments). I was a bit hesitant since I wasn't even sure if we had a problem in the first place, so was worried it was a bit of an overkill to start treatments. But considering that the IUI process was quite straight forward and not invasive, I decided to give it a go. We had our first IUI in August…and it worked! I just couldn't believe it. Had a 7-week scan and everything was fine. Then last week I went for a 12-week scan and found out the baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat.

It's just been so difficult…this feeling of having been so close to realising the dream and now being back to nothing is just devastating. We've told family and friends about what happened and everyone keep saying it's normal, that we will have kids and I will be pregnant again soon. But they don't know how long it took for us to get pregnant in the first place and they don't know about the treatment. I'm scared and very sad. I know this might seem a bit crazy compared to the saga you've been through, but I just wanted to share this story and send you a big hug. Really hope you have great news this week - I keep trying to think there will be a happy ending one day, and hopefully it's just around the corner.

Wish you all the very best. Thank your for the kind words.

KB

Thank you for this. It really helped. So well said. Sending compassion and positive vibes right back at you and Noah.

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