Runaway Train

It kind of feels like Noah and I were just thrown from a runaway train that has been circling IF Island for years. It was slightly comforting to be inside the railroad car, knowing that even though the train was clearly off the tracks we at least had a conductor and a little shelter from the storm outside. Now we're standing in the bushes in the middle of nowhere wondering what just happened and how we're going to find our way out.

We were hoping that train would eventually stop and let us off at some clearing in the forest that led to a campsite full of happy families. But that wasn't where our train was headed. So instead, it's just the two of us once again, with Noah's trusty headlamp and my terrible sense of directions. 

What I do know is that we've gotten out of major jams before. I know we can make some sweet ass lemonade out of sour lemons, and that Noah is always able to keep me warm. I know if we have to make a decision between sink or swim, we're going to swim as hard as we can. And that if I don't feel like swimming, Noah will drag me to shore by my hair if he has to. And that's how you survive being pushed off a runaway train on IF Island. 

We may need to wander a bit to get our bearings. We may need to huddle under a tree for a few more days until we don't feel scared anymore. But eventually we'll start navigating our way to some place different. It may not be exactly what we wanted or where we hoped to end up, but it won't be here. 

We watched a documentary a few days ago on happiness and a quote from a psychology professor, Richard J. Davidson, stood out to me. He said, "One of the key ingredients to happiness is being able to recover from adversity more quickly." I think that's something Noah and I have been learning more than anything over these past few years. How to bounce back. 

So we'll bounce back soon and eventually find the next path we will travel down. Until then we'll work on our lemonade recipe and keep each other warm.

Comments

[Evi]

Thank you. Yes it's sad, I thought we'd be in babyland by now, but instead we're stranded on this Island...
I live in Sweden. A doctor told me that here are the sucessrates pretty high, around 80%, but many need as much as 6-7 tries. If you have questions of how things work here you can mail me, I can give you some links.
For me, it has been 2 tries, I got pregnant booth times, but I had a MA in week 8, and then a very early miscarrige. We'll try again next year.
Yes, the eggs beeing the problem makes it more difficult. For us, it's the swimmers who are a bit rare and maybe a little lazy too. But, since your sister might help you again it's not impossible. With less meds it's not a big deal to do the egg-thing. I was fine all along, only the take-out was very saw for me.
Here they are very restrictive about putting several embryos in. They can put two if they are fragmented, but if they are fine they put only one in.
I think if I'd go abroad I'd choose Germany or Latvia.
Again, good luck to you and Noah, hope you can catch a train soon.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Hi Evi. Sorry you're going through this too. It's a rough place to live for sure. We have talked about IVF in other countries but I'm afraid my egg count will still be what it is no matter where I go. I heard eggs in the Ukraine are pretty affordable but it all seems crazy! Where do you live? Yes, the medication protocols seem very different. It's strange that the US is so seemingly behind countries like Israel and others that do IVF with less medication and good success. wishing you the best.

[Evi]

Dear Maya, thanks for your postings, sharing your experiences with us.
I'm unfortunatly also an inhabitant on your Island, and I browse the web to find out what to expect, getting more and more terrified as I read.
It seems like this is much more expensive in your country, have you considered making more tries outside the US?
Another thing that seems to differ is the amount of medications, I didn't get so much medication as you did.
Best of luck, keeping my fingers crossed!

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

I so hear ya Blake! None of my friends are going to be interested in talking to me about breastfeeding when they are sending their kids to college! I just keep telling myself at least my kids will get all the hand-me-downs. Hope your train stays on its tracks and starts picking up some speed! Sending lots of love.

[Blake]

I've been feeling lately like I'm on this slow moving train that keeps getting passed by everyone else's high speed train. This last weekend all I wanted to do was hang out with my girlfriends and just drink wine and chat. But I could not fine ONE girlfriend that is in the same spot in life as me. Everyone of them either has a child (or two or three) or is pregnant. And now I feel like when I'm raising a toddler, they'll all be raising teens and we'll still be in two different spots in life. I never ever imagined my life like this, but then again, who gets exactly what they want out of life? Not many. And there's plenty to be thankful for. At least my bffs still are my bffs, right?