Seriously?

So I wrote about dusting off the OV strips and I shaved my legs for the first time in a depressing while, and I tested my pee twice a day since cycle day 9, and on day 14 rather than an ovulation predictor kit smiley face meaning "go time," I started bleeding. Huh? Let me scramble that word around, UHH!

My doc thinks a cyst may have burst. It sounds dramatic but just means I'm bleeding and my cycle is thrown off and I'm probably not going to ovulate. These are the moments where I feel like my life is some cruel joke. EVERY MONTH COUNTS in such a major way. I built up so much hope and optimism and belief in my body--that we could do this, that I was going to be one of those stories you hear, "After years of infertility it just happened..." THAT WAS GOING TO BE US I DECIDED!!

Once again I'm reminded that I have no control and really am at the mercy of my body right now. I'm trying to stop thinking about my body as something separate from myself. Like my mind is the maser and my body is some renegade beast doing its own thing. I'm trying to integrate mind and body even though I'm ridiculously frustrated right now. I've never bled between cycles. Consistent ovulation was the one thing I've had! 

Ok. Temper tantrum over. Sometime we have to just...go with the flow, pun intended. I can't fight it, so I have to embrace that my body is me and we are still working some things out. Medications perhaps. Life lessons I'll understand in two years, maybe. But the bottom line is my doc told me not to waste any more time or money on this cycle (meaning time spent peeing all over my hand twice a day and money spent on the OV strips). 

Noah and I are all packed up and headed to the airport. Apparently so is Obama so it may be a hot mess out there. More importantly (than the president, obviously) I'm leaving the OV strips behind and am ready to fully embrace being out of our lives for a few days!

I'll post from the road so stay tuned!

Comments

[Hope]

I know how you feel! I'm glad you found the info helpful because I remember being freaked out when I started bleeding on CD 12 and I couldn't find much about it on Dr. Google LOL My RE didn't think I would ovulate due to the cyst and bleeding but lo and behold I did (just very much later due to the mid-cycle bleeding from the cyst) so I hope the same will ring true for you. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thank you soooo much ladies! This is really helpful info and I'm sorry that we are all in this weird place. It's so disappointing but what can we do? Eat pumpkin pie perhaps. Cheryl, keep hope alive!!!! Please! And Hope, thanks for sharing that you can still ovulate after this mess. It seems so unfair. I mean really. It's taking all my efforts to get back on the horse (by horse I mean husband) to keep trying and then my body throws me a curve ball. I know you can all understand. Cory, I had different test for auto immune diseases done but an curious about the reproductive immunologist. I may contact you soon. Thanks so much to you all for sharing and for following along here. I wish you all the best. And send lots of love and good wishes.

[Hope]

This recently happened to me too. I had an estrogen cyst that benched me from IUI for a cycle. Then when I should have been ovulating, I started bleeding full flow, just like a period. The RE reassured me it just means the cyst is trying to get rid of itself and even though it looked like a real period, it's not. The bleeding lasted a few days and even though I was told I wouldn't ovulate, I did end up ovulating. That cycle was 41 days long because of the cyst and I ovulated on cycle day 20-something (I had EWCM and a blood test later confirmed I did ovulate). So don't give up, you could still ovulate even when the cyst, it'll just happen later in a very long cycle.

[Cheryl]

Sorry, I'm constantly hijacking the comments but we have traveled such parallel paths! I too have DOR and poor egg quality. We have spent 3 years of charting, IUI's, and 2 IVF's. I have had no success with anything and there is absolutely NO logical reason to believe that I would get pregnant naturally... But all of a sudden, I am OBSESSED with that idea. I am also convinced that I will be that person. That success story. And just like you, I have always ovulated on my own. I had that at least. Now for the past 2 cycles, I've had none of my tell take ovulation side effects and my cycle is all over the place. So, I hear ya sister!! My unrealistic dream is getting farther and farther out of reach. But I'm keeping the hope alive! For both of us!!

[Cory]

I just wanted to extend some commiseration (because sometimes that's all we have to offer on IF island) - this EXACT thing happened to me this cycle! I happened to be at the RE's today so I asked him about it. To add insult to injury he suggested I go home and take a hpt (which I did and it was negative, of course). Turns out it was also a cyst that burst. Oh well...

I also previously wondered if you've ever seen a reproductive immunologist (I don't think the comment posted for some reason). I personally haven't but there's one in the area that my cousin keeps urging me to go. If you're interested, I can give you her info???