I remember taking tennis lessons as a kid, and I remember not being very good. My dad may say otherwise. He thought my sister and I were pretty good at most things, but he was wrong about tennis. I was an awkward and easily frustrated player. I hated losing and would beat myself up over missed shots, but I also wasn't super competitive and would rather give up than continue to be defeated. But I played for years, and most of my strength came from being up at the net. I could think fairly quickly and punch the ball over with decent accuracy. I was the worst playing at the back of the court, and had an especially hard time retrieving balls hit into no man's land, that space between the service line and the baseline where you're too far to hit a volley but too close for a nice ground shot. It's the space where the player is most vulnerable, and I remember trying to avoid that area always. In no man's land you end up swinging and missing, or hitting balls into the net, or worse, hitting your own shin with the racket as the ball bounces across the court. It's not pretty, especially for a pre-teen in braces and a pink headband.
That's kind of where I feel like I am now, twenty plus years later. A grown up version of no man's land. I feel like I'm standing in this weird spot just waiting for a something to fall out of the sky. I don't know where I am or where I'm going, but I know I have to stay put. I'd rather be up at the net, engaged in something, more aggressive, more active, ready to battle it out. I'd rather be DOING something.
But I'm not. Sometimes we have to learn to play the whole court I suppose. We have to know when to get up close and how to stand back and wait for a moment. I'm slowly learning to be patient and how to respond rather than react. Responding to me means I can take a moment to take in the situation, assess it, and give it my best shot. Reacting means I'm just swinging at whatever, spastically, often with my eyes closed.
Much of IF Island is this no man's land. A weird, vulnerable, awkward space where you're not sure if you should take a few steps back and let the ball come to you, or if you should run up to the net and prepare to punch the ball back over. Perhaps it's a lesson in being comfortable with uncertainty, and being as prepared as one can be to take a deep breath and gracefully take the next shot.
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