Today is Noah's birthday.
My gift to him was exemption from having to accompany me to my sonohysterogram this morning. Yeah. That happened. Catheter + Cervix + Balloon = Not Fun. But my uterus is still there, bored from lack of use, but there. So that's good.
Noah has been such a trooper through all of this. He has come to almost every appointment and wiped 94% of the tears-- husbands/partners really deserve a special something. But then again, so does my cervix.
So I've been in the process of getting all my tests and procedures done for the embryo donation. Every clinic has their own process and requirements, it becomes kind of exhausting. My blood labs have also expired so I had to get all new blood tests. You know you've been living on IF Island for too long when you've had to renew your blood tests several times.
In the process of preparing for the embryo donation, I've started having thoughts about egg donation again. It's so hard to know the "right" thing to do on IF Island. It's so hard to have conversations about how much a baby is worth-- can we afford 9K now for the embryo or should we save up to spend 30k on eggs down the line so that Noah can have a biological child? Should we stop all the medical insanity and use that money to adopt?
There really is no "right" choice. But given that there are usually several choices, all with some kind of compromise, what feels right one day may cause some hesitation the next. And when there is hesitation, there is often a long and windy trip down the rabbit hole of internet "research" which just leads to more confusion.
Sometimes I wonder what else my brain could be doing if it wasn't completely obsessed with fertility related issues.
It's good to know what's out there. It's good to know and understand your options. But it's also good to make a decision and see it through. I'm pretty sure we are going to see this embryo through. We've become kind of attached to it. We just have to process the multiple layers of loss involved so that we can get hopeful that our baby may be chillin' in a straw in a freezer somewhere.
It's crazy to think about all the new normals we have had to adjust to. On Noah's birthday last year we were just coming out of our first unsuccessful IVF cycle and were gearing up for my sister to donate her eggs. A year later, all of that is a blurred memory and we are gearing up to "adopt" an embryo. I can't even fathom what his next birthday might bring? Hopefully all good things. Maybe even the birth of his first child. I can't even imagine that.
Wishing my Hubs a very happy birthday, and sending lots of positive thoughts to everyone out there trying to make some very tough decisions.
thank you for giving information. This information is very useful :)
Posted by: jual crystal x asli murah jogja | June 16, 2015 at 11:04 PM
information which is very important for patients with cervical cancer
Posted by: jual crystal x asli | June 04, 2015 at 07:13 PM
LM, thanks for posting this. It is true, I have heard with DOR less is more. My doctors did not take that approach. I did meet one doc who talked about a mini stimulation but never natural IVF. It still seemed pricey out here, even without meds, but it also looks like you and your baby are living proof that it works! Congrats and thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | January 26, 2014 at 02:38 PM
Hi Maya,
I just came across your blog. I also have diminished ovarian reserved but I was diagnose at 27. I was put on high dosage protocols but my body never responded to the meds. 5 iui and 2 ivf later we were still not pregnant and doctor started pushing donor egg. I switched doctors and found one who performed natural ivf. His idea was that because of my high fsh the medication would be useless and not good for whatever eggs they do take out. Since I was still ovulating one egg a month, we started monitoring my blood and began extracting that one egg a month. His point is that with dor, egg quantity is affected but because I was young quality will still be fine. We extracted for a period of 5 months which I got three embryos and one healthy baby. We did 5 months in order to have enough to freeze. We got pregnant on the first embryo transfer. Natural ivf is also cheaper than traditional ivf because u don't use any meds. My doctor also performs mini ivf which use a small amount of stimulation. Since my reserve was in such bad shape the doctor says the mini ivf wouldn't work for me and opted for no meds. Natural ivf is popular in japan, my doctor office mimics one from japan. It's ESP good for people with DOR and non responder. There are some doctor who do believe that DOR affect egg quantity and not quality. I'm on the east coast but you should visit a doctor and discuss this option. It's a cheaper alternative too cause you will only be payin for bloodwork and monitoring to get that one good egg. I'm on my phone so sorry for the typos. Good luck.
Posted by: LM | January 25, 2014 at 05:55 AM
Thanks for all the birthday wishes! Heather, so funny you remembered his piggy bank. We still have the full (overflowing) sharps container in a closet. It's become kind of a bizarre keepsake. Dani and Pria--yes. We will make a good decision. We really have, it's just letting the idea totally marinate that is an interesting process. Kristen--I don't know if the blog lets you subscribe. It should, I'll have Noah check into it. Sorry you hit a bump this month. I get it. I met with my RE in March (or maybe it was May) 2012 and we did our first IVF cycle in NOVEMBER! No follicles, a cyst...the roadblocks felt never ending. But then we got our chance. I hope you get yours soon and wish you all the luck in the world. Just think of what a patient mom you'll be!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | January 23, 2014 at 08:11 AM
Happy Birthday to Noah....I may have a gift, if he's still interested. For my next cycle, they are ordering form 3 pharmacies, all which will send me a free sharps container---piggy bank anyone??!!
Posted by: Heather | January 22, 2014 at 09:08 AM
Though the twist and turns of this journey can easily fling you down the rabbit hole, whatever decision you settle on will be the right one. Happy birthday to Noah!
Posted by: Dani | January 22, 2014 at 09:06 AM
Hey Maya,
Wishing Noah a very Happy B'day..I must tell you that I think you are a really brave person..take a decision and stick to it like mad..don't rethink or over-analyze..sending all prayers and positive vibes to your new phase..
Love,
Pria
Posted by: Pria | January 22, 2014 at 02:45 AM
I just wanted to say I really adore your blog. I tried to subscribe, but my computer must be off. My hubs and I were slated to start IVF last month and hit a huge bump in the road. I wish you all the best with your decisions because I know they can be so difficult.
-Kristen
officiallyunpregnant.wordpress.com
Posted by: Kristen | January 21, 2014 at 06:10 PM