So before I found myself spinning and frustrated about issues mentioned in my last post, I reminded myself it's a lot more productive to focus on the things I can control rather than things that just add to the unfairness of the situation. OK, the honest truth is that there really aren't very many things I can truly control on IF Island, but there are some.
I actually started thinking about this the other day when we interviewed one couple who got pregnant naturally at close to 40, after being told they had less than a 2% chance and needed donor eggs. I asked the couple what they did after getting this information and while the wife said she was totally devastated, the husband said he did squats and ate a steak before they tried to conceive. OK, that's not exactly what he said, but it's part of it. He said he didn't feel the information from the doctor was very positive or conducive to procreating, and he chose to believe there were things they could do differently to maximize the situation. He read up on dietary changes and exercises he could do to increase sperm potential, and he remained optimistic. Essentially he looked at what he could actively do, and committed to doing those things, and he didn't let his wife's blood test results upset him. At all. They got pregnant in about five months, I think. After he did specific kinds of squats and ate a steak!
I don't know if that recipe would necessarily work for the rest of us, but I do know that shifting the focus on nurturing our bodies and our minds with healthy and positive things can only help our situation. I've been juicing and eating well and taking vitamins and herbs. Yesterday I bought Royal Jelly (WTF is that weird stuff and why doesn't it taste like honey?) because I read it is good for my huevos. Why not?
There is a balance between eating right and obsessing over a restricted fertility diet. There is an art to allowing the frustrated and doubtful thoughts to come up as they most naturally do, and then letting them go. There is necessary effort in remaining hopeful and positive, even in the bleakest moments. It's all hard sometimes, but these are the things we can try to control.
I hear ya Cheryl. The lack of control thing really is the ultimate life lesson in all this I suppose. Sometimes it does help me feel more in control when there is something I can DO, sometimes it makes me more frustrated when the out come is the same (no outcome) but I've just spent time and money on herbs and crap. But at the end of the day I do feel healthier and physically better, so I figure that can only help. Making peace with not having control is important for sure. Bringing our best self to the table every day is important. So is trying to stay positive. It's so personal. Whatever works for each person, right? Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I wish you all the best on IF Island!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | January 31, 2014 at 01:40 PM
I appreciate your insight and agree with your desire to stay positive. However, I am a firm believer that beyond your choices in your treatment plan, NOTHING is in your control. I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years, grow my own organic vegetables, and have been drinking wheat grass and grinding flax seeds before they were ever a trend. I'm also an avid runner. Yet my eggs are crap. The were crap when I started TTC at age 34. Who knows how long they were crap before that. If believing you have even the slightest control over your fertility benefits you mentally, great. But IMO, continuing to think that without any results month after month, year after year, is more harmful. Accepting and making peace with not having control is very difficult but very liberating.
Posted by: Cheryl | January 31, 2014 at 08:55 AM
Oh my Royal Jelly! Those words make me want to gag. I tried it. Took it each day for about 1 1/2 weeks and just couldn't do it no more. It is awful tasting! Doesn't taste like honey at all. Saying a prayer for you!
Posted by: Kandie | January 30, 2014 at 11:16 AM