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February 20, 2014


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Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Mel. It's all hard and what happens in the fertile world can be really upsetting at times. I always remind myself that nothing stays the same. Feelings, situations--always in constant flux. Though it sounds like you're in a bit of a tough space right now, I do hope it changes for you soon. But I totally get that feeling. Sending you lots of love.


The first two lines of this post had me in tears. You sound so much more together than I have been this last while. I'm in a stage where I have trouble looking at a baby. Thank-you for this post. And for this blog.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Oh Cheryl, I'm sending you a big virtual bouquet of flowers, box of my homemade oatmeal cookies, and a card that says I'm sorry you're in this crappy place and I hope the exile on IF Island ends soon! When you've been in this jam for as long a we have people forget how to care. I hope you have some friends who can show you some love and you know you have a lot of support from the amazing online warriors! It sucks. It all sucks. But it's great that you can be aware of this trigger and treat yourself to something special at those especially tough moments.


I had an unforeseen trigger the other day. My MIL found a lump in her breast in Jan. She had it biopsied, removed, and 1 week of radiation treatment, all within 2 months of finding that lump. She's done. Cured. Right as rain. The amount of support she has gotten from immediate family in those 2 months has been astounding. Meals made for her, requests to accompany her to appts, endless visits, cards, flowers, etc... Now let me clarify, I am thrilled that things had worked out as they did and she is cancer free. I also don't begrudge her any of the support she received. But... It triggered the realization over how little support I have received from this same family throughout my "battle." Four years of constant poking & prodding, countless invasive exams, several surgeries, and devastating heartbreak month after month without any "cure" in sight. Despite my openness with where we're at with our treatment, I get no cards, no flowers, no meals... I rarely even get a phone call every once in awhile to see how I'm holding up. It is disheartening. The pain suffered within the infertility community is so trivialized, even to those who know someone in it.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Ladies! It seems like some of you can relate to this post. Davy, I'm glad you feel more empathic. I do too and I think that helps us be better people and will help us to be more sensitive mothers:) Heather--I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, shutting you out like that. (And about your AMH :( I had a similar situation a LONG time ago where a prego friend told me the news and said, "deal with it however you need to," and that was it. There was no attempt at being supportive or talking it through. I felt very pushed away. It seems like Tami has felt this too--left out. And it sucks. Other people often don't know the "right" thing to do or the best way to handle the situation, or us. I agree Tami that I'm so lucky to even have embryo donation as an option and am very grateful to have found a good match for us. I'm more the type who gets the actual feeling of excitement when I go on an awesome vacation, so maybe I need to work on that :) Rebecca, so true that the flood gates can...well, flood. It's important to find ways to let our feeling out gradually, but it's hard. Thanks for sharing everyone!


To say or not to say is the question. I think it's tough for people around us to find the "right" words. Those of us who suffer through this nightmare need the unconditional love of those around us. What hurt me in my experience was not being included in friends baby showers or to be a part of their happiness. When I confronted them they would say "I didn't know what to say to you". They were right... I was a mess. I made them feel uncomfortable and like they had to walk on egg shells around me without even knowing that's what I was doing.
I remembered like attracts like and decided to surround myself with what I longed for myself. Avoiding or scowling at anything baby related didn't serve me or my purpose.
Maya and I say this with all the love in the world:
It is exciting that there is even an option to get a donor embryo. Of course the process isn't exciting. But the prospect is. The hope is....


I think because this is such a long process that often times we have to bottle our emotions or at least push them down for a bit or we would be a mess all the time! But then we do finally hit a trigger I find that it is quite a rush of emotion and the flood gates open. It can really make a sane person feel like a wreck.

Heather I'm so sorry, this is such a lonesome thing to go through without friends jumping ship. I hope she reconsiders.


Wow. I needed this post. Last week my BFF of 25 years not only told me she was pregnant (amh .46, low ovarian reserve, endometriosis, FSH 11)but she also told me she didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk for awhile because she didn't want to have to worry about me getting my feelings hurt...TRIGGER....and today I just got results that my AMH has dropped from 1.6 to 1.1 and they think I will have the same results as my last cancelled cycle.

Davy S

I think you are right about infertility making us more empathetic to others. Because I realize how innocent comments can hurt me, I am trying to be more intentional about my own comments to others. Thanks for sharing!

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