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February 04, 2014


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Here is it, a year and a half after your post and I'm thankfully reading your blog from across the country. My husband and I are a bit older but were still caught by surprised by our now two year "adventure" on IF island (given fertile family histories). On the topic of your post, we suspect we have hit our exit point but aren't yet sure. Like you, I mourn our disfunctional healthcare system, since we are in a state that doesn't mandate IVF coverage - even if it would be offer our best chance at success.

Most of all - thank you for your openness and generosity in sharing. It helps. I'm reading your blog chronologically, so I'm looking forward to catching up to where you are now. Especially b/c, as we consider our exit point, we may investigate embryo donation. It seems like such strange science fiction, much like IVF seemed to me in the not-so-distant past, but still something we will strongly consider.

Looking forward to reading more and grateful for the company.


Please keep up your posting. It is a lifesaver.


Beautiful post about such a heartbreaking subject. Thank you, I needed to read these words today.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts and personal experiences. It is a very personal experience. So much changes all the time. While I find it helps to have a plan and follow down the decision tree path, I know so well the plan often changes. Sometimes you feel like you need to try one more thing before moving on, or maybe eight! Sometimes you say you're going to do X, Y and Z but half way through X you find there is NO WAY you're going to do Y. Sometimes it just takes a little time and space before jumping back in. Never an easy choice and I commend all of us for waking up every morning and facing these challenges. Wishing everyone so much strength to make tough decisions.


I want to say that I am struggling with the exact same issues and trying to understand myself (it sounds weird to say that you still need to understand your own exact motivations, when you've already been through so much). There are some days I wonder whether I want this because other people can and do, because I'm insistent or competitive, driven by the deep sense of unfairness or hope and to justify what would otherwise have been a giant waste of time, pain and money. Or whether it's because I really have a carking desire to parent and have flu saliva on my arm at 2am in the morning and maybe the pregnancy part doesn't really mean all that to me. It was a comfort and blessing to me to log on today and read what you'd said.




It is a very difficult decision to make in regards to "when to move on" to the next treatment. My husband and I intended to only do 4-5 IUI's but we kept thinking "maybe the next one will work" because we just weren't ready to accept that we were going to become "one of those people" who have to do IVF. All in all, we ended up doing eight IUI's (2 natural, three Clomid and three Gonal-f) and it was after doing eight, that we realized, it was time to move on to IVF and we made peace with that decision. I don't think it's fair to place a time frame on anyone but rather, the decision is so personal and should be based on when we're ready emotionally because that is perhaps the most important thing when it comes to infertility - our mental health.


I want to second what Sarah said. I am in the beginning of my IF island journey and have found it hard to find support - everyone is telling me to "just relax" or "eat more".

Thank you so much for your blog, I feel like other people are out there that understand this.


Great post!! It IS such a personal decicision, and a difficult one at that. It is so hard to be objective with treatment decisions when your body, heart, soul (and wallet) have been through the wringer. After several IUI's I had my 1st IVF. Despite the 6 eggs retrieved & fertilized, not a single one divided. The lab said that my eggs looked "horrible." I was so unprepared for that outcome that I immediately put up a wall. That wall was to NEVER do IVF with my own eggs again. A year later, after much cajoling by the hubs, I went to see a renowned RE who specializes in DOR. I did a low stim IVF. When the lab called with report, I was already hysterically crying, mentally building that wall again for the news I was CERTAIN I would hear. Well, the news was my eggs looked fine, my embryos were dividing nicely and looked great for transfer. That round didn't take but it restored my faith . I wish you the very best with whatever path you take!!


Such a wonderful post about such a difficult topic. It's funny-- during the IVF cycles I think, "This is it! I don't know how many times I can put myself through this!". But a week or two after the disappointment softens and by bloating goes down, the bad memory of the experience itself fades with it. It's like, "Hey, no big deal. It's just a few appointments and some not-so-bad needles. The doctors say let's go again so let's do it!".

Makes it hard to know which "me" to trust.

Sarah, UK

Of all the blogs and sites I've read in my 3 years on IF island I just wanted to say that yours speaks straight to the heart of me. Please keep up your writing, it helps me no end.

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