Getting Lucky

Yesterday, Noah and I interviewed a lovely couple about their journey to parenthood. After being diagnosed with high FSH and low ovarian reserve at 35, the couple did 4-5 IUI's, one IVF cycle that got cancelled before aspiration, and then on their second IVF they ended up with two beautiful embryos that resulted in two beautiful babies. They are one of the few couples we have talked to who have been successful with IVF in a fairly short amount of time and who had some insurance coverage to help with the financial piece. They kept saying how lucky they felt that it all worked out the way it did. But it got me thinking about being lucky and what that means here on IF Island.

This couple went through A LOT before getting their twins. They went through the heartbreak of the diagnosis and the panic about how they were going to build their family. They went through the invasive IUI process and the hope-wait-disappointment cycle that comes along with the procedure. They went through the injections and the utter despairing shock and sadness of a cancelled cycle due to low response and having only one egg.  Then they did get lucky. Round two worked. The pregnancy stuck. The babies are 8 months old and amazing. Getting lucky on IF Island is very different than getting lucky in general.

I started wondering if I too am lucky. Am I lucky that I've never had a miscarriage? Infertility is not only about not being able to get pregnant, it's about not being able to stay pregnant. I've never had that experience, so am I lucky? I don't know the answer, it's just something I've been thinking about. Perhaps it's all relative.

The fact that any of us are on IF Island seems like an unlucky place to land, and don't get me wrong, it is. Very much so. But it seems way more productive to count our blessings rather than focus on the negative. I'm lucky that I have access to some of these medical procedures, both financially and legally. I'm lucky that I have an open minded family who has done nothing but support us. I'm lucky to have a husband who loves me and keeps me positive. I'm lucky that we still have some of the pieces needed to make a baby (yay to my uterus!). There are many more things to feel lucky for. Sometimes I feel lucky that I'm able to keep my sense of self and sometimes even my sense of humor through all this madness. 

No matter how dire our situation feels, there are probably some ways to shift the focus onto the haves rather than the have-nots. Maybe we can shine our lights onto what we do have for a few extra minutes each day, to really highlight some of the positives. Maybe that will give us a little more strength to deal with the harder things we have up ahead. 

Wishing everyone out there a LOT of luck!!!

Comments

[Mel]

I don't know. I had an early miscarriage (five weeks) in August last year after trying unsuccessfully for a year and a half. We were at our deadline for when we were going to go ahead on pursuing IVF and that's when it happened. It felt so hopeful to know that I *could* get pregnant. The miscarriage was hard, but it made me believe that having a baby naturally was possible. How many months ago was that? It's coming up on seven months later and I haven't had a second pregnancy.... my hope has waned, and now it just sucks. Had the pregnancy not happened we probably would have gone ahead with IVF by now and we really could't (can't) afford it. Right now I live from one period of two weeks (waiting to ovulate) to the next two weeks (waiting to POAS). It's all I can do. Just another perspective.

[Davy S]

I'm with you on thinking that being unable to conceive may be less painful than having a miscarriage. I think it's a hope thing. A positive pregnancy test would increase hope where we haven't had hope before. It's painful to lose something you have hoped for so long.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Hahaha! You're hysterical Dani. I see matching horseshoe charm bracelets in our future.

[Dani]

For a long time (and still, to an extent) my official infertility diagnosis was "unlucky". Maybe I should just invest in a really fancy horseshoe instead of an RE.