Momotaro is a popular hero from Japanese folklore, and the story about him goes something like this: Once upon a time there was an old woman and an old man who longed for a child but were never able to have one. One day, the old woman went down to the river to wash clothes, when she noticed a giant peach floating down the river. She took the peach and brought it home, so she and her husband could eat it for dessert. Just as the husband was about to cut open the peach, a naked baby boy burst out of it. They named him Momotaro (Peach Boy), and loved him and raised him as their own, knowing he had been sent from heaven. Momotaro went on to be a great hero, gaining animal friends through his generosity, and fighting off ogres and demons to save his town.
I loved this story as a child and have been thinking about it a lot lately. Yesterday, Noah and I officially closed the chapter on "trying naturally for six more months" before starting to prepare for the embryo adoption transfer. I'm never shocked when my cycle starts, but I did think that maybe this would be the month that a miracle happened, just before we were about to adopt. You hear those stories all the time, but it's not our story.
Our story continues. Our miracle is still up ahead. I started birth control last night and had a frantic day yeasterday of trying to figure out my schedule with the nurse and looking up best prices for meds...blah blah blah. I had a nice six month break away from all the hormone induced madness and now I'm suiting up and heading right back in.
When I saw I had in fact gotten my period, the usual feelings of sad and disappointment flooded the space around my heart. It just gets tight in my chest and taking a breath feels...harder. I looked at Noah and felt so sad that I can't make a baby with him, but then I shifted my focus. We have a little Momotaro sitting in a freezer, in the dark, in another state, who needs us to come and save him. I don't want the energy that goes into this next step of our process to be overshadowded by sadness and dread and fear. I want to have an open heart and an open mind to be able to embrace our next process fully so that our embryo--our potential baby-- can be received with open arms.
I have to separate the frustration and exhaustion that surrounds the process of preparing for the embryo from the embryo itself. The process is a nightmare. Going back on Lupron in a few weeks is the worst. Injecting progesterone oil into my butt? No thanks. All with no guarantee?? Ugh. But these are the steps I have to take. So I'll take them. And I'll complain about them. And I'll get through them, one at a time. Remembering all the way that our baby, our Momotaro, is waiting for us.
WBC--good luck on your first cycle. I'll be thinking of you and hoping your miracle comes soon! Feel free to email me at [email protected] Would love to know who we have in common. Go Bears!
And thankful for the Love Prea! Sending it right back at ya!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | May 01, 2014 at 07:34 PM
Maya- I have been thinking about you and your story a lot lately. We have some similarities, you and I. I too am young-ish with DOR. Been trying for 2 years (including 3 medicated IUIs) with not the slightest hint of two lines. We too are closing the book on "6 more months of trying naturally" with TCM and acupuncture- only it's before our first IVF. I am desperately worried that we will find out the few eggs I do have are crap. I have my days of zen acceptance and days of misery, as do we all. Thank you for bringing the idea of embryo donation to my attention- I think it is something we will consider if the IVF does not go well. And thank you again for being the courageous voice of infertility for all of us. I have my moments when I want to join you, but then I am unable to force myself all of the way out of the closet.
Btw, I discovered that you and I are one degree of separation away- we have some college friends in common (although this particular friend knows you much much better than he knows me). Go Bears! ;)I am happy to share my personal email with you, if you are interested.
I wish you and Noah the best as you seek your Momotaro. Your time will come!
Posted by: WBC | April 30, 2014 at 12:19 PM
Maya, you have become a brave woman in this journey..I pray that you are guided and guarded well..take care and love yourself a lot.
Posted by: Prea | April 30, 2014 at 01:19 AM