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May 08, 2014


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There really should be a DSM V diagnosis for this. Someone said it best by calling it post infertility PTSD. I am 1 month behind you for a FET cycle. After 2 miscarriages, multiple failed IUI's and IVF cycles I can't imagine how anxious I will be if I have the good fortune of seeing 2 pink lines. It feels unfair that after everything couples on infertility island endure we can not simply rejoice and enjoy our pregnancies. Every cramp and symptom is obsessively analyzed. Wishing us all on infertility island the ability to enjoy our future pregnancies!


This post is so right on (minus the excitement -- there is really none. Not yet, not for me anyway). Right now, in days of early news, it feels surprisingly much like the 2WW. Waiting to take more tests and to get their results - pieces of a puzzle that will hopefully paint a fuller picture. My doctor said it best in an email: "I look forward to more good news to come". Because he knows there needs to be more good news before before there can actually be any semblance of real "good news". It's not a ticket off the island yet. Great comments by everyone! Looks like IF-PTSD is not so easily overcome. And unfettered joy is probably overrated, right?

Don't Count Your Eggs

Corynn and Leanna, Thanks so much for sharing your experience. You both explained the feeling so beautifully. Living on IF Island does leave some scars that carry over, obviously. Fear is such a powerful emotion. But I wish you both so much peace and joy and happiness through the rest of your pregnancies!
Prea, thanks for sharing some of your cultural traditions. I think many cultures take this...cautious approach. It's very understandable and yet feeling excited should also somehow be okay, I think. Take care.


In India, in the city where I live, which is still very traditional, I recently came to know about the tradition of not thinking of names, not buying stuff for the about-to-come child, not even informing others of the pregnancy till it becomes very much evident. All these rituals might be seemingly silly but actually they arise from a cautious detached approach till the birth. Here, I think about a quarter century back, no medical care was available and mid-wives did the delivering. So infant mortality must have been high. Hence this Zen-like approach. Sending prayers for your friend and for you Maya. take care and wish me luck..


I think your friend's experience rings true for so many of us. I'm really far along in my pregnancy and I have such a hard time letting myself feel excited or happy because it's just that much farther of a fall. I've robbed myself and my husband of such joy with this horrible fear that it just won't work out. I'm practically paralyzed by the thought of buying a car seat or a crib and those things aren't only necessary but should be exciting rites of passage for all new mothers no matter how their children enter their lives. I appreciate your blog and how present you are in your feelings and I know it helps others cope with this fear of the fall. I also have faith that you will be able to grab onto those moments of joy and excited anticipation and hopefully peace when your baby comes to you because you are allowing yourself to feel through this journey good and bad. Prayers to you and all waiting for their golden ticket off the island.


I know exactly how your friend feels!!! I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and I still alternate between disbelief, fear, anxiety, and paranoia. Everyone around me is so excited. It's the first grandchild on either my side or my husband's and rather than join in their joy, I'm nervously waiting for the other shoe to drop STILL. I've been struggling with my lack of (positive) emotions for something I worked so hard to obtain and I've often wondered if they're even there underneath this anxiety. They are though - after spending an evening in the ER for bleeding, we went through an extensive ultrasound and found out the gender. I started bawling when they said "it's a girl!" but didn't know where those feelings were suddenly springing from. It just goes to show you how much of a hold infertility has on us - it's such a powerful force to try to break through. But we are still ourselves - we aren't infertility - and we can reclaim our happiness if we work hard to.

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