Yesterday, Noah and I went to a "welcome baby" shower for one of the couples we interviewed for our film. You can see a clip of Candace and Tommaso here.
Anyway, Candace and Tommaso spent years on IF Island and yesterday they proudly introduced their 4 month old baby, Max, who they adopted at birth. Max is amazing. He's beautiful and healthy, and so are they. After all their struggles, 9 IVF's, surgeries, miscarriages--you name it, they went through it--the two of them are finally off the Island, and let me tell you, it looks good on them. It gave me a lot of hope that eventually we will get our life back, and it will be sweeter and fuller and better.
Max is 100% their son. He belongs with them. He completes them. I know they wouldn't have it any other way. But did they need to go through all they did to end up with that particular child? I'm not sure. They really went through a lot. I try to think that what is meant to be is meant to be and that timing works in such a way that the child that is meant to be will be. But I'm not totally sure. If our little Momotaro works, will I say we had to go through everything we did for timing to be just right for him or her to be ours? I just don't know. But what I do know is that holding baby Max yesterday, I felt, with no doubt in my heart, that I can and will love and embrace any baby that comes into our lives. You just don't think about DNA when you're finger is being gripped in the palm of a tiny hand.
The "coming out" party, as they were calling it, felt different from other baby showers I've been to. There was a common understanding of the struggle to create a family, and there was so much love and support in the room. Even though Noah and I didn't have a baby of our own, we didn't feel out of place. It was a nice afternoon.
Noah and I have sought out couples who have built their family in alternative ways, because it gives us hope that there are different ways to make a family. A family is a group of people who love each other and will go to the end of the earth for each other. In the end, that's what matters.
*Just as an aside here, Noah and I are looking to interview someone/couple who has successfully used an egg donor and someone/couple who has conceived (or is pregnant) using a sperm donor. If you're in the Los Angeles or California area and are interested in being part of our documentary, please contact me. That's my casting call.
Thank you for showing that there are other ways to build a family. It sounds like this was a wonderful experience for all.
Posted by: Laura | June 30, 2014 at 02:28 PM
I bet this was just the most wonderful shower and how nice to see someone "off the island" and so very happy with a new baby. Thanks for sharing such a sweet story.
Posted by: A Few Good Eggs | June 30, 2014 at 11:06 AM
Very cool Maya! XO
Posted by: My Life As A Case Study | June 29, 2014 at 09:15 PM