I've always been a stubborn person. Well, I shouldn't say stubborn, but...who am I kidding, I'm stubborn. Apparently, so is my body. I've known this for a while. When we did our first IVF and I was on tons of stimulating medication, only two of my nine follicles grew. I was what is known as a "low responder" which means I take all these insane meds and my body goes, "meh, what else you got?" Basically, my body doesn't do what it is supposed to do.
Today, my body asserted itself in this way, yet again. I was on birth control for a month and have been on Lupron for just over a week, and today I went to my RE here in LA who is monitoring me for the FET in Seattle. The RE took a gander at my ovaries and said, "what's going on here? It looks like you're on stimulation medication rather than Lupron?" I have four large follicles growing when there is supposed to be nothing but dust in my ovaries!!! I started to laugh. Obviously. OK. So what does this mean? He didn't really know what to say. He feels like he's not the primary doctor for this cycle so he wanted to leave it up to the Seattle doc, who I haven't been able to get a hold of. Like, ever. She's basically the Wizard of Oz. I spoke to the nurse who I guess is going to get back to me later today.
So now I wait. I should be used to waiting. I should be used to things not going according to plan. I should know that I have no control over all of this. But it SUCKS! I just want something to go the way it should, is that too much to ask? Apparently. I'm not sure what any of this means. I have three more weeks of Lupron, so maybe my ovaries will chill out by then. I know that cancelling altogether is also an option. Cancellation is very common for many people, but it's also very disappointing. You do all the meds and have hope that you'll be able to move forward and it turns out to be all for nothing, in a sense. Perhaps I should chancel and ovulate the eggs that are sitting in my ovaries wearing their Lupron shields and hope that the next bunch isn't wearing shields. I don't know if that's an option, but it seems like having follicles sitting in my ovaries for the next three weeks isn't the best plan. What do I know? I asked my RE today if I could actually get pregnant on this cycle if I stopped the meds. He looked at me and shrugged, "maybe?" Can you imagine?
The drama and confusion on IF Island is constant. Even when you think you're on a schedule, even when you follow directions exactly, even when you're on medication that works a certain way for 95% of the population, things can go askew. So I just have to go with the flow. I have to ride this wave and see where I land. I will not move forward with this embryo adoption if our chance of success is compromised in any way, so I have to be prepared for having to make a decision that could cost us more time. Never a dull moment on IF Island.
love, love, love to you.....
Posted by: Heather | June 02, 2014 at 04:11 PM
I am also a poor responder and I uttered those words for more than a year. Hang in there and trust you will make the decision that is best for you!
Posted by: Laura | June 02, 2014 at 02:04 PM
Which Doctor are you seeing in Seattle? I had treatments in both LA and Seattle. Our Seattle doctor was amazing!
I hope your follicles shrink:/ I was also a poor responder. It's so disappointing.
Posted by: Aneonprincess.wordpress.com | June 02, 2014 at 12:48 PM