Today is our six year anniversary. Click here for my blog post from our fifth year anniversary. Ugh. If I’m still writing this on our eighth anniversary will someone please check me into the nearest mental institution. For all you Islanders who have been here for that long I have so much respect! Anyway, I found this video clip of us talking over a year ago, and it made me remember why I love Noah so much.
Infertility can be rough on a relationship. It’s stressful and expensive and just freaking terrible in every sense of the word. When we first got married, we made a promise that every year we would go out of the country. Travel and adventure are important to us, and for the first few years of our marriage we were able to fulfill that promise. But once we officially landed on IF Island, our days of adventure went out the window. All of our money and time went directly to my uterus, and we stood by as we watched our life as we knew it slowly circle the drain. One thing led to another and somehow we have spent four out of the six years we have been married battling infertility.
What I can honestly say, though, is that we are actually stronger as a couple. We have had some hard times, no doubt, but being in this ongoing crisis has taught us how to communicate, how to make decisions, and how to have each others back. No matter what. This wasn’t always the case. Early on, I did feel some resentment because I felt like I was putting in a lot more time and effort into figuring things out. I was upset about all my body had to endure, and sometimes I felt like he just wasn’t paying attention. I don’t feel that way anymore. Now I know he understands how I feel, even if he doesn’t agree. He accepts my obsessive nature and I accept that he can fall asleep in two minutes without worrying about something fertility related. We appreciate each others strengths and try to support each other when needed.
Almost everything that happens during an ART cycle happens to my body. I think Noah took two antibiotics before the day of my egg retrieval and had to jerk off into a cup a few times. That’s about the extent of what he has had to do physically. I’ve felt so crappy for so long, and one of the things I most appreciate is his ability to give my body some credit, and cut it some slack. The body that plops down next to him in bed every night is not the body he married six years ago, and is most certainly not the body he fell in love with 14 years ago. But it is the body that is desperately trying to carry a child that will be ours. It’s a body that has been bruised and poked and prodded and knocked down countless times, but is able to get back up to keep moving forward for our family. My body has taken one for the team, and he knows it. That understanding and appreciation helps me keep going.
If our relationship can survive IF Island with just a few scratches, then we can survive just about anything. We know how to be a team, and that will serve us well when we finally become parents.
Happy Belated Anniversary! It's amazing how living on the island can either make or break a relationship. I also believe that Justin and I's marriage is only stronger because of it. We started this process before we got married because of my age but had to wait until we were married and had insurance to go to an RE for a diagnosis. We will only have been married 2 years in November, but will hit 3 years on IF Island in October. I do know, that we will appreciate our children just that much more going through the struggles we've endured and will continue to endure how ever long it takes.
Posted by: Dawn | July 03, 2014 at 07:09 PM
Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated our 6th a week before you. I couldn't agree more about these struggles making couples stronger (in the good cases - I know it can do the opposite as well). After losing our daughter, we both feel even closer to each other and more supportive. Hang in there and I hope you did something fun to celebrate!
Posted by: A Few Good Eggs | June 30, 2014 at 11:17 AM
Happy anniversary, you crazy kids! It's a great opportunity to celebrate the wonderful family you've already built; one that your baby-to-be will be lucky to be a part of.
Posted by: Dani | June 28, 2014 at 09:44 AM
LOVE this post!!!
Posted by: Cheryl | June 27, 2014 at 07:09 PM
Wow, you are so strong. Both of you. And you seem to have a great family. Larry´s comment made me cry. Im happy for you for having that. But of course not for beeing on the Island. We´re all too many here on this heartbreaking Place. I wish us all some good news soon.
Take care!
Posted by: Josefin | June 27, 2014 at 12:27 PM
Happy anniversary! Very well said.
Posted by: Lauren | June 27, 2014 at 10:38 AM
Happy Anniversary!
Couldn't have said it better myself! We have been on IF island for our entire marriage and I whole heartedly agree that we are stronger as a couple. I hope you have something wonderful and special planned!! Enjoy!
Posted by: Laura | June 27, 2014 at 10:10 AM
Happy Anniversary. Your mother and I were talking about the two of you last night, wondering if we could go through all you have without throwing in the towel. We're not sure. Your strength and determination throughout this ordeal is remarkable, and so is Noah's for being right there, even if he does sleep well at night (good for him!). One day you will be gearing your writing talents to other subjects, but thank goodness you are able to express yourself as well as you do. You're an inspiration--not only for others who are on the island with you, but for your parents, who are very proud of you both.
Posted by: Larry Grobel | June 27, 2014 at 10:05 AM