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June 23, 2014


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What a great post and all so true, you have really learned to identify your fear and I think that is the hard part. The fear of this not working is sometimes so overwhelming I believe I don't even realize it is fear most of the time. Thank you as always for sharing.

Don't Count Your Eggs

It looks like a lot of us feel this fear, and it is normal, but it sucks! It is a scary place, but we will get through it KFH. I'm not always exactly sure how, but we will. Denise, I love that you know when something feels right and it doesn't. I had that moment today and was trying to decide if I was just angry at the ding bat nurse I have to deal with at the clinic, or if I "had a bad feeling." I think I was frustrated with the nurse, but knowing when to step back and regroup is important. I'm glad you're feeling better and ready to jump back in. Christina, thanks for sharing--love your "N's". I something think of three A's-- be Aware, be Accepting, be Able to sit with it then move through it. It's great to have these little coping tools in our back pockets. Phaira--you're no more a freak than any loving person who happens to have to fight to get their baby. Keep digging deep--we all must inspire each other to find that inner brave. JaLae--I'm swimming! I'm swimming! It's kind of a doggie paddle but my head is still above water...kinda. Love to you all.


Your thoughts are just what I needed to hear tonight! I have had those same thoughts on fear just recently! I will continue to think about you and Noah. The unknown is such a scary place, but we will get through it. I know it!


I completely understand your fear. I cancelled our last cycle after our first attempt failed. I didn't feel good about it or was just scared to death. We are now starting over and I feel much better.

You hang in there. It will happen and you are right it won't be like this forever. BTW I love your blog! :)


Fear is a natural emotion and you are dealing with it well. I've been working with my counselor on the three N way of dealing with fear (notice your fear, name the fear and (No) don't feed it - distract your self with meditation) but it is still gut-wrenching and the process is continuous. Thank you Maya for sharing so eloquently.

MrsSwanek - BFNs are horrible. Keep reaching out and make sure to share even your ugliest feelings with someone you trust. That study looks way cool. I hope you get in.


Sending you strength right back Maya. You have this uncanny ability to tap into exactly how I'm feeling and it helps me to feel a little less like an IF island freak and more like someone who has the ability to be brave in the face of so many unknowns. Even if some days I have to dig deep to find my bravery, as so many of us do.

Thank you.

JaLae Thompson

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

You've got this. (and I totally get you on the fear thing. I'm there.)

Don't Count Your Eggs

I'm sorry about your BFN. I agree. Much rather be doing something than being in that no mans land. That study looks good. And HRC is a good clinic I think. I hope you get into it. And really hope your luck shifts and things start to come together. I know you're dealing with a lot right now and really admire your strength. Sending so much love.


Great blog post. As much as I dreaded the injections and everything, I really want to be back in treatment. Had a BFN last Wednesday, and today my period started, making it seem more "real." Currently hoping to get into this clinical trial: http://theivystudy.com/default.aspx

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