Many of us on IF Island did NOT expect to be here. It's like if you live in New York and one day you wake up, look out the window and realize you're actually in Wyoming. All your stuff is with you but you don't know anyone and you don't know where you are. I think the feeling that best describes that initial realization is lost. Maybe confused. And that's scary.
Noah and I were following the path that many do. First comes love, then come marriage...but instead of the baby in the baby carriage, we were kidnapped, thrown into a truck , blindfolded, and shipped out to IF Island, where nothing was familiar and there was no sense of logic or order. At least that's how it felt for a long time. It's not what we imagined. It's not what we planned. It's not what we hoped for. But it was the situation we were in, and it has been up to us to plan our escape. Though none of our plans have worked yet, and we can't always physically escape, we have been able to, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes.
I never could have imagined that a person could type "failed IVF" into a Google search and I would pop up. That's definitely not how I envisioned things. But sometimes life just doesn't go the way we planned. It isn't fair. I fought against it for a long time, thinking if I just complained and yelled about how unfair it is, that something would change. We weren't prepared for this detour. It's almost impossible to be. But here we are.
Noah and I really have had to start where we are at. We've been planning our escape from the Island for years. We've tried almost everything we could, and we're still here. But we aren't scared any more. We've accepted the turn our lives have taken, and we try to enjoy the moments between the storms. We have found a community, and know our way around IF Island, and hopefully we can help any newcomers feel less lost.
In our hearts, we know we won't be here forever. We do have some choices. Even if the end choice we make is different from what we set out for. Wishing everyone else who is stranded here so much luck with your escape plans, and some peace and love for the time you're here.
Thanks to all who commented in constructive and supportive ways here. (And to those that have my back!) I am all about creating a dialogue and have no problems with differing opinions--that helps us all see things in different ways. But I do strive to create an inclusive and safe space here, where everyone and their decisions on the Island can be supported and respected. I'd like to keep it that way. The IF community is incredible and I appreciate you all (well, most of you ;)) every day.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | June 13, 2014 at 11:12 PM
Ashley Miller - you can jump in the lake.
Posted by: Christiana | June 13, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Ashley - I find it very sad and hurtful that you have chosen to use this space to point fingers and make assumptions related to something you clearly know nothing about. Maya has provided a place in the creation of her blog, in her courage to share what is clearly such a personal experience, where others in similar situations can come and not feel so isolated in their own struggles. It helps to not feel alone in all of this. There is no place for judgement here.
Posted by: phaira | June 13, 2014 at 09:51 AM
I wonder how many underprivileged children Ashley Miller has provided a better life to by not being selfish and adopting? My guess is Zero.
Posted by: Greg | June 13, 2014 at 09:44 AM
Ashley: really? Selfish? have you walked this road? Have you been crying your eyes out and turned yourself inside out for years? Try to open your mind alittle and understand that we all have our paths to go down before we come to term with a hard decision, even if it is adoption or to try for ourselfs once more. Before you vomit out hard words and judgements about others, try to understand why someone choose the way they do. Maybe you can learn something then.
Posted by: Josefin | June 13, 2014 at 01:31 AM
Sorry, that should have been adopt. You and your husband have the means to provide a better life to an underprivileged child. Stop being so selfish--with all your yoga and self meditation you should have realized this by now.
Posted by: Ashley Miller | June 12, 2014 at 05:52 PM
Why don't you afopt?
Posted by: Ashley Miller | June 12, 2014 at 05:49 PM
What a great analogy! Hope we all find our way of IF Island sooner rather than later. :)
Posted by: Dawn | June 11, 2014 at 03:18 PM
Another really great post that reminds me that I'm not alone!...even though it feels like it. Other IF'ers are blazing trails to get off the island just like me.
I love that!
Posted by: Mr Thompson and Me | June 11, 2014 at 12:48 PM