The game is tied. It's the bottom of the 9th with two outs. First pitch is high, but I swing and miss. Second pitch is over the plate, but I foul it. Third pitch I make contact. The ball flies just over the second baseman's head and I run as fast as I can to first base, and beat the throw by inches. Safe. Team Momo lives to see another day. Beta got up to 72.
DON'T GET TOO EXCITED!
AND I'M SORRY I'M POSTING SO LATE.
The result didn't come in until close to 4pm!!! For whatever reason. And I was at work.
72 is more than triple where I started, but it's still a low number, according to the Seattle nurse. She said she was, "cautiously optimistic" (which is better than "technically pregnant") but that I need to be monitored. And will need to continue to be monitored. For a while. They want to see my beta rise to 115 by Friday.
So this wasn't a walk-off home-run, but it was a base hit that keeps us in the game. My stomach has been cramping since I got the news. Nerves? I hope. I can say I felt relieved, and for a moment dare I admit excited? But I know this can still go south. I don't know if this is a rise before a hard fall--a slow, tortuous decline to an eventual broken heart, or if my story is going to be different this time. If it's actually a slow start to a happy ending and a new beginning. All I know is in this moment my numbers are increasing, and I still can't take a normal deep breath. All I have control over is figuring out how to take that deep breath. I'm going to celebrate the small victories cautiously, and continue to try and be neutral but optimistic. Last night I came to terms with this not being my time. I sat with the sadness and just knew I'd be ok. We on IF Island are warriors and survivors. We are parents who will fight lions and tigers and bears to find our babies. That means we will stay focused and present with what we have in front of us. And we will do everything we can to move forward, appreciating the moments of good news for what they are. Moments of good news.
Hoping everyone out there on the Island can have a few moments of good news! Is everything here this dramatic for everyone, or am I a drama queen? (Dad, don't answer that). Thank you all so much for the love and support. If you haven't yet voted, please take a second to here.
Denise, I'm so sorry. I know it's heartbreaking. I've been there. I wish your healing heart so much love.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 25, 2014 at 04:39 PM
You and I had ET on the same date. I had a feeling that mine didn't work. I found out on Wednesday that it was in fact Negative. What us IF girls do to our bodies to one day hope of becoming a mom is painful and never guaranteed.
I truly hope that you have a much happier number today. Good Luck Maya, I've been thinking about you.
Posted by: Denise | July 25, 2014 at 01:28 PM
I'm praying for your next Beta to be higher and I also just voted! xo
Posted by: MrsSwanek | July 25, 2014 at 12:06 PM
I have so much love for all of you guys, you don't even know. Alice--I'm sorry about your bumpy road but excited that you're well on your way! Blood has been drawn for BETA take 3, and now I wait. Hopefully the results will be in earlier. I've had weird cramping the last two days, which makes me super paranoid. But whatever it is it is. And VT--you KNOW how hard it is for me to get to first base! I run like a badger. Will post as soon as I know. Thank you all a zillion times over.
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 25, 2014 at 10:32 AM
Thinking of you again today, Maya. Pulling for you, Noah, Moma and a high beta number to lead you into a great PREGNANT weekend. Fingers crossed.
Posted by: A Few Good Eggs | July 25, 2014 at 09:14 AM
Fingers crossed and heaps of prayers coming your way!
Posted by: Mr. Thompson and Me | July 25, 2014 at 07:06 AM
Great news!! You are walking towards the boat to head off this island., pretty soon you will be on the boat and heading out to sea :)!!!
Posted by: Jessica | July 24, 2014 at 05:18 PM
Great news.. I am so happy that you are walking towards the boat to head off the island!! Plenty soon you will be in the boat and on the water heading out to sea ;)!!!!
Posted by: Jessica | July 24, 2014 at 05:16 PM
That's great news! I'm so happy for yall! Will continue to think an spray for y'all.
Posted by: KFH | July 24, 2014 at 04:48 PM
Whatever, M-Dizzle Drama Llama! Just do what you have been doing, keep some sense of sanity and I'll hound you again tomorrow. :)
Posted by: Jody (J-Dogg) | July 24, 2014 at 01:49 PM
Your numbers are going up and you are PREGNANT! Hang in there. Positive thoughts coming your way from Utah. I've been following your story since we met at Helen's training. You are going to be a wonderful mother!
Posted by: Jamie | July 24, 2014 at 01:35 PM
Maya, I have been anxiously awaiting your result and am very happy for you. I am praying that your numbers JUMP HIGH! Thinking about you. -Jackie, a random reader in Ohio
Posted by: jackie | July 24, 2014 at 11:15 AM
YES!! this is such great news!!!
Posted by: Devon | July 24, 2014 at 11:13 AM
You're a drama queen. How can you not be? And all of us are involved in your drama. So you might as well wear the crown! Dad
Posted by: Larry Grobel | July 24, 2014 at 10:35 AM
Momo's fighting! :) It is a beautiful number. :) And I'm still keeping fingers crossed, for the home run. :)
Posted by: Kas | July 24, 2014 at 09:01 AM
I've been on pins and needles waiting to see your post! So happy it was good news. It's amazing how much we feel invested in other people's stories without ever meeting them. I am here in WI cheering you, Noah, and Momo on!!! Continued prayers going out that you will finally get your happy ending, your take home baby! Big Hugs!!!
Posted by: Dawn | July 24, 2014 at 08:34 AM
Wow. Amazing news!
Posted by: Becky | July 24, 2014 at 07:37 AM
This is great news! So glad to see this update.
Posted by: M. Eliz | July 24, 2014 at 07:12 AM
I often get goosebumps when reading your blog as it resonates with many of my own thoughts and emotions. Today it's goosebumps galore! Hoping for more good news to come. :)
Posted by: phaira | July 24, 2014 at 06:32 AM
Celebrate good times, come on!! --the song that sprang into my head reading this post, so now it can be in your head too. And follow its advice! Celebrate your pregnancy! Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you.
Posted by: Deb | July 24, 2014 at 05:56 AM
Hi Maya, I don’t know if you remember but I left a comment here a few months ago (in November). I had just had a missed miscarriage after one year trying to get pregnant (and a diagnosis of unexplained infertility). We had our first IUI in August, exactly one year after we started trying, and when we went for a scan at 12 weeks end of October we found out the baby’s heart had stopped. It was devastating but we tried IUI again in January and it worked again and I’m now 27 weeks pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant in February with a home pregnancy test (2 weeks after the IUI) I had a light, brown spotting so I rang the doctor and they sent me for a blood test. The beta hcg result was 141 on a Friday (15 days after the IUI), then over 1000 on Monday - then I had a scan 3 weeks later.
Although my first beta was high enough, all I read between the first and second beta is that all that matters is that the numbers keep rising/doubling. And you had a 300% rise in 2 days! I can only see this as amazing news! So right now you are pregnant and this is just the beginning of a journey of uncertainty and excitement that will last another 36 weeks or so ;) Enjoy the day today thinking about where you currently stand and not so much about the possible results you are going to get tomorrow. I think it’s normal to feel anxious and worried specially when this is the closest you’ve been to becoming a mom. Even though my pregnancy has been great so far, no complications whatsoever, I still cannot help but worry - I worry if the baby is not moving a lot and if she is moving too much I also worry because I think I’m doing something that is making her uncomfortable! It’s crazy land but also very exciting. Keep positive! Believe this is your time, allow yourself to worry but most importantly allow yourself to enjoy the ride!
Posted by: Alice | July 24, 2014 at 04:20 AM
YAY! positive thoughts!
Posted by: Marisa | July 24, 2014 at 04:07 AM
Maya just be calm and totally do you something you enjoy these few days..let nature take over..I know it's hard but try not to keep thinking..I hope and pray for both of you :-)
Posted by: prea | July 23, 2014 at 11:48 PM
Team Momo!!! And I can tell by your references that you definitely miss the softball team! I'm in, guys! Let's do this.
Posted by: V Trinkle | July 23, 2014 at 11:08 PM
YEAHHHH!!!! Still in the game. PREGNANT. I hope things get easier for you as time wears on. I know the unease though. After spotting before beta, two solid betas, and then more spotting that starts and stops seemingly just to jerk my chain, it is hard to strike that balance of cautiously optimistic. Hang in there and yes, celebrate the small victories.
Posted by: WBC | July 23, 2014 at 10:49 PM