Flying by the Seat of Your Pants

Tomorrow I go back to my RE in LA to see what my insides look like, and if I'm ready for the FET to be scheduled. I went to my RE on Monday to check out the situation (because I was super anxious), and everything seemed to be in the right place. Ovaries were quiet, lining was thickening up, estrogen levels are through the roof. The Seattle clinic wants me to go back again tomorrow before they schedule us, which makes me a little nervous. I hate that my brain immediately thinks about what could possibly go wrong. 

Dealing with an out of state clinic is not easy. I just wrote a post for Fertility Authority about how to choose the right clinic or doctor to fit your personality, and I must say, if I had the choice, I probably would not have landed on a big clinic with specific boundaries and protocols. I'm a needy patient with a lot of questions. I'm fairly sure I'm driving the Seattle nurse bananas, but the feeling is mutual. It took a lot to get an estimated date of transfer from our nurse, but it seems like it will be some time next week, if all looks good tomorrow. Fingers crossed. 

While I know I have learned to be patient and flexible with myself and our time on IF Island,  I didn't realize I would also have to be flexible with a doctor and a clinic. They do things different than I'm used to, and I have to remember that that is ok. Their nonchalance and easy going attitude about the whole thing raises my anxiety flag, as does not knowing when we will need to buy plane tickets. 

I'm not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal. I'm a planner. I like knowing what comes next. IF Island is really hard for people like me. A type A planner with a tendency towards anxiety? Good luck! I try to remind myself that I might have to get plane tickets the day before, and I might have to shift around my work schedule in whatever way I can. And that's that. Much of life can't be planned. That's a fact. ART cycles can be disorganized and confusing and last minute, and that's scary. But if I can stay grounded, I'll be ok. In this moment, everything in my body looks fine. That and a credit on Alaska Airlines is all I've got. So I'll make it through today and hopefully tomorrow we will have a plan. 

Comments

[Dawn]

I hope all went well today and you were able to figure out a schedule! I'm a total planner too so I feel your pain on this one. :)

[My Life As A Case Study]

Best wishes Maya! XO

[phaira]

Good luck to you both Maya! Hoping for good news. :)

[Devon Easley]

Good luck!! I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way!!

[Laura DePaz Cabrera]

I just wanted to thank you for your blog. I am sure you get that a lot but we just found out yesterday that our first IVF/ICSI attempt with one 5 day embryo transfer (assisted hatching) was a big fail. We're obviously new to this and honestly weren't prepared for the flood of emotions/anger/despair that came with the "oh sh&t, this didn't work...but...what? I mean...how? I mean...why?". We have two frozen embryos that we will try with again, hopefully in September, but at this point it isn't hard to imagine all the possible negative outcomes that could come with that (starting with the 'will they survive the thawing process?). I clicked on your "coping" category and I just wanted to tell you that your blog has helped, well, with our coping. Thank you for taking the time to talk about feelings that most of us have a hard time comprehending and processing, much less dealing with them. Best of luck to you as you continue on this journey. Your fellow, IVF-island resident.