So this little old blog that started out as a way to express my feelings and connect to other IF Islanders was just nominated for Resolve's Hope Award for best blog! Please click here and vote if you find this blog helpful. It's been great to read some of the other blogs because it means more people are talking about infertility and sharing their stories. That's important. Infertility can be very isolating, and no one should feel alone.
When Noah and I entered this very elite world of A.R.T., we had NO IDEA where we were or where we were headed. What we did know was this place, this Island, was different. The normal rules of life we were used to--if you work hard you will succeed--didn't apply. At all. We also knew that many people felt shame about their infertility, and as a social worker, that really didn't sit well with me. That's part of why we decided to start documenting our journey on film. We'd never really seen what infertility looked like, until now. Now we've seen it all through our own experiences with IUI, IVF, sibling egg donation and now embryo adoption, and through interviewing other couples, we've also learned more about egg donation and surrogacy and open adoption and other alternative family building options. We as a society are at the beginning stages of normalizing that there are many different ways to build a family. And we hope our film will help that cause.
None of us would choose to be here on IF Island. It's total insanity. Infertility completely overwhelms one's life and relationships--sometimes it hits so hard it rocks your sense of self to the core. It's destabilizing and at times plain torture, but having gone through what we have so far has made us better people and will make us better parents. I have no doubt in my mind.
So while we didn't choose to be here, here we are. Trying to make the sweetest lemonade we can out of some sour-ass lemons, as Noah always says. Our FET is tomorrow at 1pm. This is a clip of us just before our last FET. I guess I kind of feel the same way--just ready to do this thing. Actually, this time I feel more like how I imagine a boxer feels before a fight-- a little anxious, a little pumped, and a lot ready to kick some ass!
Thank you all so much! FET went well today. Now we wait (isn't that the best part?) Ugh. WBC congrats! Amazing! a first time IVF-er gives a lot of people hope!! Be in the moment--that's all you can do. My friend who I wrote about a while ago that was 9 weeks pregnant just got past her first trimester and all looks good! So day by day you'll get closer to counting fingers and toes. Amara, good luck on your retrieval! KRB, I hate to say welcome to the Island, so I won't. I'll just say I hope you get some answers and a game plan in the next few weeks. Thanks again everyone for your love and support. It's really helped me these past few days!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 11, 2014 at 06:41 PM
Voted! And most of all thinking od you, Noah and the little nugget being planted inside you today. Praying!!! Love seeing your dad comment here too. Brings tears to my eyes. Lots of love! Tami
Posted by: Tami | July 11, 2014 at 02:48 PM
Voted! Your ability to not only get inside your head (and inside the collective head of IF islanders) but also express those thoughts so eloquently in writing really is something special. Some of your recent posts have rung so true with me (esp the one about the pregnant SIL) and every time I realize I am not alone with these terrible feelings, I thank you.
Right now I am experiencing some kind of survivors guilt. After 2 years without ever seeing two lines, the first IVF gave us our first BFP a couple of days ago. After the shock, there was some elation, but then came the guilt. Something was telling me I can't possibly deserve success on the first IVF, not after seeing so many people have to jump through so many more hoops. And of course there's the enormous fear that this is just a big tease. After being demoralized for so long, I still cannot believe that my body is even capable of being pregnant and I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I am trying to be optimistic for myself though, and I am extremely hopeful for you. I know sometimes it feels like you will just never succeed, but there's every possibility that you will. Best of luck to you and Noah today.
Posted by: WBC | July 11, 2014 at 12:20 PM
Voted! All the very best for this FET, I have everything crossed for you and Noah.
Posted by: Mel | July 10, 2014 at 07:23 PM
Voted! Here I am, just starting my second year on the Island (Retrieval for IVF #2 scheduled in ten days!). I check your blog daily and you've been a continued source of strength. I am sending you the very best baby vibes. Bless you!
Posted by: Amara | July 10, 2014 at 06:32 PM
Best wishes on the FET tomorrow. Saying a prayer that it goes well.
Posted by: Lisa | July 10, 2014 at 05:35 PM
Proud of you. Dad
Posted by: Larry Grobel | July 10, 2014 at 02:59 PM
Wishing you good luck with your FET tomorrow. You certainly have turned this hard experience that you're going through into something positive. By positive I mean that you've found a way to spread the word about infertility and hopefully make the road easier for other families experiencing it. Some people take a shitty experience and just crawl into a corner, but you've taken your "knocks" and tried to turn it into something to help people. That says a lot about who you and your husband are as people - who you will be as parents. Sending prayers and good luck with the blog award.
Posted by: Jill B @ hopinghopefloats.blogspot.com | July 10, 2014 at 02:39 PM
Voted and good luck tomorrow!
Posted by: Janet | July 10, 2014 at 12:21 PM
Voted! Your blog has helped get me through some rough spots during my last 2.5 years on IF island. Thank you! Go kick some ass, Maya!
Posted by: Laura | July 10, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Voted! ;)
Posted by: phaira | July 10, 2014 at 11:19 AM
Voted! (For you, obviously ; ) There're so many great IF blogs out there so congrats on being recognized! Wonderful achievement on your way to your next wonderful achievement.
Good luck on your big day tomorrow! Hoping beyond hope that those little cells see fit to settle in and stay a while.
Posted by: Dani | July 10, 2014 at 11:01 AM
I will say a little prayer for you, your writing feels like a friend . Thank you.
Im new (ish) to the island and am in the the fog of , what the hell?! 2 failed iui. 1 cancelled ivf due to low response, waiting to try again in a few weeks. I wish you all the luck in the world .
Posted by: krb | July 10, 2014 at 10:38 AM