Just Another Day in Paradise...ugh

So I do have a subchorionic hematoma, and it ain't pretty. Last night was a repeat of saturday night, complete with a golf ball size blob of something scary. Lots of bright red blood. The funny thing about all this is once something freakish happens I get a little desensitized. Of course it's always scary but I was like, "Oh terrific, that's happening again." Knowing Momo was still there after the last blood bath made me feel like it was possible for him to still be there today. 

And he is. But...

He's surrounded by blood. And a lot of it. 

So that's Momo in his little sac on the right, and the large mass-like blob on the left is the pool of blood. Glorious. The doc said it looked like there was some "separation", and Momo is measuring a little small at 5 weeks 6 days when I am 6 weeks 3 days today. Not good signs. None of what has happened thus far have been good signs. Except for one. Momo's heartbeat. We heard it today for the first time. 109 beautiful little beats per minute. It's a little slow but also very early. 

So now what? I wait. That blood is going to have to come out at some point and either it will take Momo with it or it won't. There's no way to know. My doc feels like there have been so many red flags, that if Momo doesn't survive than there was something wrong and it wasn't meant to be. If Momo does survive whatever is looming around the corner for us, than I don't care how small he's measuring, he's the toughest, strongest baby there ever was. He's also probably a girl in that case.

Thanks to everyone for the support and for sharing similar stories. I know things can go either way and I'm trying to stay positive. Today I'm on bed rest and Momo is there and has a beating heart. A storm is coming and we'll just have to see if we're both still standing in the aftermath. 

Comments

[Christie]

I too had the same thing and it did absorb and I now have a beautiful 2 month old baby boy from IVF. It's the scariest thing ever and remember having the same feelings you're having right now. I'm praying for you and momo! Hang in there sweetie :).

[A Few Good Eggs]

Maya, thinking of you and Momo and hoping the bedrest does the trick and Momo hangs on. The road is never smooth, is it? And hooray for a heartbeat! Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way.

[MrsBoomer]

Heartbeat! Yay! Lots of positive your way, praying for Momo!

[Kandie]

I will be praying for you all!

[Adrianna button]

Your blog really touched me and I'm praying for you and the baby. My husband and I tried naturally and miscarried 3 babies each at the 3 month mark due to genetic issues. Then infertility treatments for 4 years before finally falling pregnant with donor eggs. I think about the gift my donor has given me each and every day and I'm so incredibly grateful. I am due in Dec. at the age of 44!

I too had the bleeding/hematoma with this baby and it did resolve itself. So please be hopeful. I read that it's quite common with IVF procedures.

Once I fell pregnant it was hard for me to joyfully embrace it because I worried what each new day would bring. Once you go down the long and tiring road of infertility, you collect so many scars along the way. But, I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be and I fully appreciate what a gift I've been given. I never gave up on my dream of my baby because I knew there was a little soul out there looking for me too.

Hug and a kiss, Adrianna

[Meg]

I'm checking for updates on you and Momo everyday and praying that Momo continues to hang in there. Lots of positive thoughts coming your way.

[Meliss]

Sending lots of positive thoughts and good karmic vibes! I just found your website and I feel like after 13 months of ttc, i can't tell you how much it means to read your honesty and these outpourings of your soul. I'm 30 and we've already tried 4 iui's with multiple different meds and now just had our ivf cycle delayed at the last second (night before the transfer) as apparebtly my progesterone was too high. I've done acupuncture, temp taking, had glucose tolerance tests and more. i feel like there are very few people who "get it" even if they are supportive, but to read your blog ... Soneone who has known the daily heartbreak and obsession, it makes me feel less alone even though I live across the country in ny. So, Thank you. And good thoughts for you!!!!!

[Susanna]

It's such a relief to see Momo still hanging on. I check your blog first thing in the morning feeling all kinds of nervousness and it's always so good to know Momo's such a tough fighter!

I wanted to let you know I am also currently having a subchorionic hematoma. I spent pretty much 3 weeks in bed already, mostly researching this. Started off with a little brown spotting, then a couple of big gushes of bright red blood and we rushed to the ER fearing the worst. All was fine, but doctor particularly said, "tie your hands up", as in no matter what you do, try not to move your hands too much, even if you lift up too high, it could be very dangerous, particularly if it stretches your stomach.
so even if you are lying in bed, try not to stretch too far to grab something. Have someone help you if you possibly can or have it very close.
I found this article to be particularly useful in explaining it:
http://www.babycenter.ca/thread/40183/sch---info-from-perinatologist-that-specializes-in-sch

Hope you get plenty of rest, and that the active bleeding stops.

[Mie]

Whatever happens , happens. But for now, stuff the negatives; there's a heartbeat!!! <3 Momo is totally a kickarse girl. ;) Keeping you all in my thoughts. xo

[WBC]

And the saga continues. Doesn't it always?? I am hoping hoping hoping that Momo hangs on...

[kelly]

you are amazing. really truly amazing. thats all. xx

[Kerry]

Thinking of you and Momo, a d sending love your way. You have been through enough. You are getting closer to holding that little baby in your arms. I hope it is Momo, but if it is not, you will still be taking one more step towards holding the baby that will change your life forever.

[Lauren]

*easy! Not EASY...

[Lauren]

One of my readers had a SCH, diagnosed in early pregnancy. She took it easy (not hard with three other kids) and delivered her boy full term. It's scary, but you've made it this far!

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks everyone. It's crazy to be learning new things when you think you know everything that can possibly go wrong! I've been reading it can take weeks and months for these things to work themselves out! Seriously? Karissa-- would love to see doom and gloom pict! If you want to send it. Maya@dontcountyoureggs.com. Why does it feel like there is a list of everything that can go wrong with fertility and the steps after and I'm laying around crossing things off the list? No meds Tami. I asked for super glue and was denied. Jojo, you're so positive. Im channeling you right now. Samantha-- Thank you for sharing. It took a LONG time to reabsorb! I may email you with more questions--mainly I'm wondering if you had any other complications down the road. It's going to be a LONG road, and in my heart I know that if Momo is strong and healthy and meant to be it will be. And if not, nature does its thing, and I have no control. But I can eat kale and lay on my left side. Thanks so much everyone.

[Weylin]

Urgh, I feel for your frustration. Praying for the three of you. Miracle Momo...

[Magda]

I had a hematoma too - it was so scary! My toddler is now dancing to Yo Gabba Gabba as I write this ;)
Lots of bed rest, sleep on your left side and keep posting! Everything will be alrught, you'll see!

[Jill B @ hopinghopefloats.blogspot.com]

Praying for you and your little one. This must be so hard! The first two comments on this post were very uplifting - never give up hope and I know you haven't. I just wish something would go smoothly for you and your husband. Sending prayers.

[Julie]

Have no fear Maya! You will carry this baby to full term and My guess is that is going to be a beautiful little boy! Those Hematomas are quite common and they resolve on their own within a few weeks! Excited that you were able to hear a heartbeat, my son always measured smaller in the belly and he's a healthy and super active little boy.

[Samantha]

Maya, I had a subchorionic hematoma too - I know its the scariest thing on the planet right now. I ended up resigning from my job, and on bed rest until the dang thing resolved itself in my 2nd trimester. You really do have to rest, even modified bed rest. Mine presented at the same time too, in fact this time last year I was on short term disability and home from work. Lots of rest, Kale and Prune Juice. As much nutrition as you can handle, and rest up. Hearing a heartbeat is a great thing, 109 is perfect right now. Momo is hanging in there. My SCH was freaking huge too, but a lot of them do reabsorb. By 12w it was already a lot smaller and had turned grey, showing it wasn't as active. I'm here if you want to email and chat, I know this is hard but my little Lone Ranger survived hanging out with a massive SCH and is now a very active four month old!

[Dee]

You already know these are not good signs. I just don't want you to feel like the rug was pulled out from under you should this not end well. Lord knows I did when I lost my first pregnancy without any warning. That said, I'm so hoping you shove it in my face if this ends up being your miracle. Momo's still fighting and you should be too! Not sure if you know this, but if you lay on your left side it gets blood to the uterus faster :)

[Anita]

Please, please hang in there Momo. There is so much love for you over here.
Maya, I send tons of good luck your way.

[Jojo]

A beautiful little heartbeat. Amazing isn't it? I know you and your husband will hold each other tight and revel in the fact that you have a beating heart inside you. Little Momo will hold strong- she is a fighter like her Mama!

[Janet]

Praying for a good outcome for you, Noah and Momo. Xo

[Tami]

Can they treat you with clotting meds? Hang in there momo and mama!