A Walk, A Film, and A Smile: Happy Friday IF Island

Happy Friday!

Last night, Noah and I walked to get burgers. It's been warm at night here in LA LA Land and we walked down the streets in near silence. I asked him how his day was, he had a few highlights. He asked me what I had eaten that day--I lied about some healthy stuff and we held hands on and off. I looked over at him and could see the indentations of his dimples. It made me smile and I said, "are we genuinely happy for the first time in four years?" He laughed a kind of sad but content laugh. Four years. As much as we were able to find our moments, do things that made us feel whole and normal and happy--much of the past four years have been kind of miserable. The weight of infertility sits like two giant anvils on either shoulder. The uncertainties and medical processes and waiting are cyclical, and with each lap around you just get more worn out and emotionally exhausted. In between it's important to find your happy. We went on little vacations, we went to baseball games and concerts and tried to live normal lives, but it was always a conscious effort to not be unhappy. My yoga practice and finding my mantra saved me in a lot of ways. For Noah, going to the gym and playing rec softball saved him a little. We did our best with what we had, and we learned to survive and find moments of relief and happiness. But last night we allowed ourselves to both feel genuinely happy without trying. I almost forgot what that's like.

Today I wanted to share some info. There's an upcoming walk in SoCal that supports infertility. My friend Candace, who we interviewed for the film, is helping to organize the event. It's Resolve's Walk of Hope in Long Beach on September 21st. Noah and I will be there with a booth sharing information about our documentary, ONE MORE SHOT. (If you haven't watched the extended trailer you can do so here.) 

Noah and I have been working on this film for over two years. And we are excited to just be getting the website up (it's a work in progress, we need to fix up some of the picts still), but we are ready to push full steam ahead to get this thing done and out into the world. It follows our own journey through diagnostic procedures, IUI's, IVF, donor eggs, FET's, and finally embryo adoption, and everything in between. (I still feel very cautious even thinking we have found our ending, but I'm going to believe it until proven otherwise). We also interview several couples who have created their families in alternative ways. This weekend we are supposed to interview a woman who decided to pursue single motherhood later in her reproductive years, and has an 8 week old in her mid forties using donor eggs and donor sperm. 

So stay tuned! If you live in SoCal, we'd love to meet you at the walk! If you don't or can't make it out, please stay connected by signing up on our mailing list on the Doc website! We are hoping to start a fundraiser soon so we can finish this thing legitimately and really start raising awareness about infertility and normalizing the different ways families are made.

Wishing everyone on IF Island a beautiful weekend. 

Comments

[rajachinna]

Thanks for Sharing this Valuable Information and It is Very Useful for Me and also Useful for Who wants More Info About IUI Treatment in Hyderabad.

[Kristina]

I am truly sorry for your pain. I was lucky to have 3 babies easily. I would love to help given my blessing of fertility. I am 37. I'm sure my eggs are fine. Unfortunately there is a misconception about fertility declining. God bless

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Yay Devon! Excited to meet you!

[Devon easley]

My hubby and I are going to check out the walk, it's in our city. We'll come meet you!

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks for your comments everyone! I think we are all just trying our best, in every stage of this, and that's all we can do. We have to find ways to be good to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack. Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions is one of the biggest life lessons I've learned--not a fun one. But also learning to live fully with what you've got is also important. Even though sometimes that's hard and you don't feel like you've got much. Sending lots of love.

[Weylin]

A GIRL! OMG! Did not see that one coming. Noah will be in love with her, absolutely.

Tell me it feels wonderful to move on, Maya. Some days that's the only thing keeping me moving in this cyclical depression, punctuated by gasps of bad news and more work.

[Meliss]

Your writing conveys so beautifully what we (those stuck on IF island) feel - I read passages of almost every post to my husband. It's so hard because most of the people in my life who do know what we are going through just don't get it. Thank you for the voice. I am seriously so happy that you guys have found a way to start your family. Sending love Xx

[Jojo]

I really think that life on the island is just kind of survival- not living. It is just holding it together, putting one foot in front of the other and trying to find a glimmer of hope that it will one day be over. I don't think that reality sets in until you are off the island. My heart is with anyone waiting for their ticket off. I am so very greatful you and Noah can find true joy now. My personal opinion is life is even better after IF island, that is once you are securely relocated with your baby in your arms. Your capacity for joy and gratitude has deepened and the little stuff is just so.. little. Xoxo

[Jen]

Thank you for acknowledging the unhappiness that looms over infertility. I have spent a lot of time feeling bad about feeling bad and only just came to the realization that I need to stop beating myself up about it. Infertility just makes you feel crappy, and there's not much I can do about that. I am genuinely happy for you and Noah; so happy to hear from someone who's currently fighting the good fight that someday I will feel whole again.

[WBC]

Happy weekend indeed- I'm glad that you are beginning to feel the burden of IF lift. I'm starting to feel it too (esp now that the morning sickness is also lifting!) and am super looking forward to a weekend getaway we have planned, just me and hubby. It will be our first since this P thing happened, and I'm extra excited because I'm hoping to retrieve some of the carefreeness we used to feel on those trips before the IF thing happened.
Also, I'm really looking forward to being able to help support your film- you might not agree given the pain you've suffered but I think it's practically serendipity that you and Noah are uniquely positioned to bring your story (and the story of so many others) to the screen in such a professional way.
And hurray on the latest news on Momoko! You and Noah will be fantastic parents, regardless of gender though...