Committing to Being Your Best Self

I just got back from being up north for my sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day and a super exhausting weekend. She was so happy and my family felt fully able to celebrate. Momo was very much a part of the celebration, too. The last several times my family was together like this was for funerals-- Noah and I were coming off of some kind of "failed" cycle and the tears shed were not happy ones. This weekend was finally different, and I felt complete gratitude for it.

For much of the wedding day, Noah was busy filming the ceremony and running around with my cousins, while I was helping my sis and chatting away. We didn't see much of each other, but every so often I'd look over and catch him laughing or giving my dad a hard time in good fun. He was happy. And it made me think about our own wedding day over six years ago, and how happy we both were then. I've celebrated several anniversaries on this blog writing about hitting that developmental milestone of marriage and having every naive expectation to smoothly sail to the next destination of parenthood only to have the ship come to a screeching halt. 

For this weekend, my sister asked me to write a speech about love and commitment to read during the ceremony, just after they did their vows. I started by talking about my sis and her beau and ended talking about what it means to fully commit to something or someone. For me, to commit fully to someone means to love them through the good, bad and  the ugly. It means waking up every morning with nothing but respect and love in your heart for that person. It means promising to challenge each other and support each other in growing and learning and becoming the best version of yourself. It means being grateful for every day you have together and vowing to always make the other person laugh and smile. Those were my basic thoughts, and it's how Noah and I have tried to be since our own wedding, and how we've tried to approach living on IF Island together. 

Living on IF Island takes another form of commitment. One that involves committing to finding a way to create a family. Once you've landed on IF Island, it's almost as if you have to commit to doing your best, being open to the process, and trying not to lose hope. There's no right or wrong way to approach being on IF Island. It's a very personal experience and each person/couple has to do what they feel is right for them. For Noah and I, we decided we were going to commit fully to finding Momo. We didn't know how or where she'd be, we just knew we weren't leaving this Island without her. We may have had to change our tactics if we were stuck here for longer, and I have so much respect for people who know when to call it.  Sometimes the commitment to doing whatever it takes becomes too much and your commitment to your own life and self and relationship must take priority. But I also know that many of us IF Islanders are determined and committed people who get back up time and again after being knocked down and eventually find a way off the Island. We keep our eye on the prize and truly learn how to become the best version of ourselves. I know I was the worst version of myself for several years, but I had faith that I'd find my way again. There is something in just trusting the process. In total destruction we find a way to rebuild in a stronger and studier way. 

I'm exactly sure where I'm going with all of this. Just my rambling thoughts on a Monday afternoon. But I think part of my reflections about life and love and commitment and partnership and not knowing where the road might lead you just speaks to the very nature of being alive and trying to be your best self every day. 

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

So true Lindsay--what we think one day is often different the next. Moving on to third party stuff is especially a process that takes time to fully wrap your head around. Noah and I always had traditional adoption in our back pocket and found an agency we liked. I couldn't fathom jumping into it--the paperwork, the marketing of ourselves, the waiting, but I knew if we did get there, we'd just have to recalibrate and then go for it. Our friends Candace and Tommasso adopted after 9 IVF attempts, some with an anonymous donor eggs. I asked them how they could even move toward the adoption process and Candace said they just did, and in a way having an agency in charge and not having her body go through all the meds was helpful. They were matched in a few weeks and have their baby boy now. Their story always gave me hope that there are many ways to create a family and that gearing up for the next option is do able. Hopefully this next round with your sis will work! I wish you so much luck!!!

[Lindsay Monnier]

such a great read..and so very true. I tell myself all the time-some way, some how-we are going to be parents. We are committed to one another and to whatever it takes to make this dream come true for us-and we know what are limits are. Sometimes what we think they are one day is different than the next-with our upcoming egg donor cycle with my sister-if it does not work-I think our next step is adoption but I don't know what kind of determination will set in if we ever have to cross that bridge. I never thought we would consider egg donation and here we are:)