The Last Shot...Just Kidding

Today was supposed to be my last PIO shot. Supposed to be. But since I started bleeding again at work yesterday, yup, that happened, the RE said to keep on it until I see him Monday to reassess. I was hoping for a solid graduation--blue gauzy surgical cap and white sheet gown included-- but we shall see. Three lessons I've learned on IF Island, and this little holding chamber known as a Little P After ART is:

1) Rarely do things go as planned so chuck your expectations at the gate and be prepared for a change of plans. 

2) Nothing feels good. Nothing. Everything on IF Island and beyond is simply different degrees of uncomfortable ranging from bearable to freak out tears at the sight of another needle. Or feeling like you're going to barf with the smell of a hard-boiled egg. I seriously can't deal with eggs or poultry right now. 

3) Nothing stays the same. This has been my mantra along the way. Because it's totally true.  The times when you're spinning your wheels at the bottom of the despair pit feels like an eternity, but it won't last forever. And being a little P after ART will eventually turn into a solid P. I hope that's what happens for me on Monday and in the next few weeks when I get back the results from the cell free DNA test I took yesterday and when we measure Momo's bits at week 12. I think then I'll feel more confident about all this. 

So I'm back in my safe space, my bed, and will take it easy today. Perhaps being upright at work all day yesterday did me in. The bleeding has stopped today so I can breathe a little easier, but the anticipation anxiety I have every time I go to the bathroom is becoming debilitating. I have to find a way to be calm and know that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I have very little control, which also means I can't blame myself for anything. All I can to is believe Momo is a warrior and he'll be ok. Maybe I'm just a bleeder and I'll get to have a glorious 9 months of this. And maybe not. For now everyone is ok. All I have is the now.

Wishing everyone a fabulous weekend! Happy Friday. 

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks everyone, and for sharing your stories! Jojo has a twin!!! Hi Jess! I got a little bit of an explanation today--early placenta previa, which should move and be fine. But the placenta is blocking the cervix and has some blood clots. Just means more PIO shots, whoo hoo!! Tess and Jess, your comments really got me through the weekend. Thank you. And Meliss--WTF? I guess the good news is you have frozen babies waiting for you, but how frustrating! Have you done acupuncture for the lining? I wish there was a magic trick to it. I hope it starts to cooperate soon. Keep us posted. Love to everyone.

[Sarah]

Thinking of you today! I hope the graduation goes well and they give you a send off of no more PIO. You three are already such an awesome little family!

[Meliss]

Thinking of you -what a family of warriors! A little blood is no match for you guys! I am currently oscillating between despair/sadness and total bitterness/anger. (They have no idea why my lining is resistant to thickening on multiple forms of estrogen -and a transfer is impossible until it does, pretty discouraging even though I have frozen embryos waiting...) Reading your updates continue to give me hope. Thank you as always for your honesty!!!

[Lisa]

You are helping me to remain positive! Bless you for opening up and making us not feel so alone.

[Jojo]

Thankfully we have medical advancements to help us all when 'just relaxing, taking a vacation, taking a vitamin etc' don't work....:) Hope you had a fantastic weekend. Thinking of your little family of three.

[kelly]

not sure lyn has any idea who she is talking too.. or read any of your blog actually..
.. ah if it were only as easy as a vitamin, the island would be empty.

Thinking of you Maya xx

[Lyn]

Take vitamin B6 800mg/day for 30 days each day.. you WILL get pregnant (try to get the B6 that is 200mg/pill.. then you only have to take 4 pills per day). It has worked for some who have tried many times with invitro. I took B6 like this 3 times to concieve! Kids are 10, 8 and 7 :-) I tried twice to not take the vitamin and I didn't conceive until I started back on the vitamin. You only have to take the vitamin until you concieve. Also know your 2-3 days of the month when you are “ready”… it is a small window and a clue is you are usually “gooey” down there with clear stuff that tells you that you are “ready”…usually the same time each month. …keep us posted!

[Lisa]

Glad the bleeding has stopped for today. Hang in there, girl! Was telling my hubby a little about your story tonight. Momo is a warrior and so are you!

[Tess]

I know exactly how you feel!! After my first IVF and positive test I was bleeding with very large blood cloths for the first 4 months! Every time I thought I've lost my baby , but everything turned out fine. Now I have a very healthy 22 month old little boy :) All I can say is hang in there and I hope this ends for you sooner that it did for me! Good luck with everything!

[Jess (JoJo's twin and fellow ivfer)]

I feel for you.. I too am an IVF warrior. When I finally got my P I proceeded to bleed and spot all through the first trimester. It is torture but so common in many many healthy pregnancies. You will get some relief at 12 weeks and then it just keeps getting better as the belly grows. Sending lots of happy positive thoughts

[Jojo]

Keep snuggling with Momo and hang in there!

[Denise]

Hang in there Maya! That little p will turn into a big P soon. I can feel it :)

[Jill B @ hopinghopefloats.blogspot.com]

Hang in there, Maya. I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety before you go to the bathroom. Things are going to get better.

[Melanie]

Most cases of bleeding seem to decrease or stop around the second trimester when the placenta begins to control more of the hormonal production for the pregnancy. I hope you will get some relief soon!