Trust Your Body

The day, or few days, before I have a doctor's appointment, I get this sick feeling that Momo might not be there. I'm so conditioned to bad news, that even now, when we've been getting good news thus far, something deep in my psyche is still uneasy. Noah has been saying the same thing over and over to me, "You have to start trusting your body again." And he is 100% right.

For the first time in a long time, my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing. I've written several posts about the disconnect between mind and body that sometimes happens on IF Island, and the difficult relationship we have with our bodies when going through treatments, and the overall importance of knowing your body and taking care of it. Now I'm at a place where the most important thing I can do, other than feed and take care of myself best I can, is to learn to trust my body again. So many times I've felt frustrated or confused by my body. So many times my body has responded in the opposite way than it was supposed to. So many times I've felt sabotaged or betrayed by my own body. I've abused it with medications and being in this process for years, my once strong and toned body has drastically changed. Needless to say it's been rough. But now my body is doing what it is supposed to do. It is holding on to Momo and allowing her to grow (I think), and I have to tell myself that, over and over again. Or Noah does. Until I can fully believe it. I can only imagine how hard it is for people who have miscarried to trust their bodies again. But each experience is different, and we all have to remember that. Our bodies want to do this, it just takes some of us more time to figure it out.

I stopped the PIO shot on Saturday and will test to see that my levels are ok tomorrow after my NT scan. I wonder if I'm feeling much sicker these last few days because of some hormone shift or because I am nervous. Whatever the case may be I'm trying to be reassured that feeling crappy is a good sign and am hoping that with time I can regain that trust in my body once again. 

Comments

[Lindsay]

It is all about trusting your body, Noah is right! In all honesty, I think that it's something we share with other moms-to-be - even those who haven't struggled with infertility. Those of us who have been on IF Island will naturally have a stronger case of anxiety, but a friend of mine who got pregnant without an issue and recently had a baby told me that she would always have a moment of panic before a regular appointment. I think it's just that motherly instinct kicking in - you want everything to be OK with your child.
And, from what I hear from many, many mothers, that tendency to worry doesn't go away after you have a healthy baby and can count fingers and toes. It stays with you long after they're grown and have families of their own. So, deep breaths! Easier said than done, but being happy and optimistic rather than stressed is the absolute best thing you can do for little Momo (well, in addition to eating healthy and taking your prenatals.) :)

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Good luck on Friday Anita! Ugh. The wait is terrible. I hope you get better news this time. Jojo! Thanks for sharing. I was reading that you're supposed to feel better when off the meds but I def don't. Feels like I'm following in your footsteps a little with all this, but I'm a Honey Nut Cheerios kinda gal! Brooke, thanks to you too for making me feel this is normal. I hear ya on the N.I.M. I have them daily. Love to everyone!

[Anita]

I so agree with how negativity becomes a part of you in the IF island. I have my beta test on this coming Friday and I dread it, with 4 negatives under my belt in the past. I have been so depressed this time, and always on the verge of melt-downs.
It is so nice to read your story, Maya. May luck and happiness stay with you.

[Jojo]

When I got off progesterone I felt so sick all I could eat was cocoa puffs (?!?!). So glad you have Noah to be your voice of reason and your body know what it is doing. You are growing and cuddling Momo to get her ready for an amazing life. Thinking of you and hope the days go by fast. Xoxo

[Brooke Madera]

I definitely felt sick for a little bit after I got off progesterone. I don't know if this is the totally "normal" way to respond to it, or even if it was the progesterone for sure, but I think it just took me a week or two to feel back to normal. Try not to let the stress get to you too much. I ended up begging for an ultrasound just to make sure there was still a baby after the progesterone was ended. Neurotic Infertile Moment :) Take Care!