We're Driving Each Other Bananas!

Well, actually, I'm driving him bananas. Bed rest take two, week two begins today and let me say we survived week one by the skin of our teeth. Is that the saying? So weird. 

I've written about the challenges IF Island can have on a relationship many times before, specifically in these few posts. Mostly I've written about the common relationship stressors and the various ways Noah and I have gotten through them. I do feel our relationship is stronger from our experiences and we definitely communicate better. But sometimes the daily grind of what's happening on IF Island and beyond can just kind of make you drive each other crazy.

Being on round two of bed rest (not counting short stints post transfers), means its old news. The first time around was in August with the hematoma. I was so terrified and so sick and nauseous that I could hardly eat or move and basically just moaned in bed, which kind of made things easier. I wasn't as conscious. This time around, Momo is stronger so I'm a little more confident, and I'm more alert, which makes me more frustrated and bossy. I'm very aware of that. And so is Noah.

I am very lucky to have a wonderfully patient husband, but he's a) at work for about 10 hours a day b) forgetful c) exhausted when he gets home. I on the other hand am a) in bed or shuffling around the house for about 10 hours a day b) super specific (slightly OCD) about how I like things c) awake and ready to bark my needs the second he walks through the door. While I am not just flat on my back all day, I can do some things around the house, I notice I start spotting more when I'm upright and more "active." And that makes me panic. So I'm trying to be still and I definitely can't do things like go to the market or climb a ladder to change a light bulb (that's been out for weeks but I'm trying not to notice). I feel helpless and useless which in turn makes me frustrated. Then Noah gets home from his long day and I feel guilty asking him to do all these things and really, I don't want him to go to the market, I want him to hang out with me. But the next day when there's no food in the house, I'm angry that there's no food in the house. See where this is going? In circles. 

Last night we talked about this merry-go-round we're riding. It was almost 10pm and I had a really weird cramp in my left pelvic area that started sharp and went dull and is still there (?), so I was, surprise, in bed, and asked him to bring me a bowl of cereal. He brought up a giant bowl overflowing with cereal, about a half an inch of milk and giant slices of bananas. I suddenly wanted to cry (also, I think the hormones are kicking up a notch, is that possible?). It was so...clumsy and not how I wanted it. On the one hand I was so appreciative that I have him and he was bringing me a late night snack and he actually does take very good care of me, but on the other hand, the milk to cereal ratio just made me feel like crying. I didn't want to criticize his efforts and ask him to go back downstairs to get more milk, but I also didn't really want to eat it dry. First world problems, right? I ended up saying something bitchy about how giant the bowl was and he snapped back something rude like, "well, don't eat it if you don't want all of it."

We were both at our limits and we recognized that right away. The years we've spent learning to problem solve on the Island have taught us how to take a step back and discuss a situation like grown ups. We ended up having a good conversation about how we communicate what we want as well as our disappointments. We avoided another mango meltdown by acknowledging my own limitations and frustrations and how for years things just haven't gone the way I would choose or want. And we acknowledged how Noah has taken on a double load and how some of those duties he just doesn't like or isn't great at. And we came up with a plan of how we were going to tackle the next week. I explained my preference for thinly sliced bananas and he laughed at me. Order was restored. 

I am going to continue to try and be more flexible and patient with him, myself and the situation. He is going to try to remember to do some of the things I ask and work on his plating presentation. And we are going to get through this. 

A special thanks to my friend's who've come by and brought food and good company--you're helping more than you know! 

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

MLAACS-- I think I can blame the hormones a little for sure, and being alone for much of the day does NOT help. I hope your nausea has gotten better. 19 weeks! That's exciting. Rest up Claire! Two in and six to test! That sounds promising. I know this waiting period id the worst, but the days will go by and hopefully you;ll have some good news soon. Fingers crossed for you.

[Claire]

Hi Maya,
I'm home also on a kind if bed rest after an emybro transfer yesterday. We are doing PGS but one frozen and one fresh we're not able to be biopsied, so they transferred them. They are both blasts, so it's still very positive. We were able to send 6 out for testing and will find out next week. I love reading your blog and hope you have a new post coming out today. It's hard to stay positive with two losses this past year, but it's better than being miserable all day. I don't think this time I'll use the P word until I hear a heart beat. How is that for positive thinking?

[My Life As A Case Study]

Hey Maya, I'm 19 weeks now and I've noticed I've become more impatient/intolerant, easily agitated and quicker to snap when people are being obnoxious. So, maybe it's hormones? Plus I've spent a lot of time feeling isolated during my pregnancy and that doesn't help. XO

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Ahhh Meliss! I'm so frustrated for you. I can't imagine how you feel. What is the doctor saying about why your lining is so resistant? You're being smart to not just push forward because you want the best chance, but seriously? I'm sorry. I wish there was a magic delicious fruit you could eat to get that thick beautiful lining. Your embryos will wait for your body. They're gearing up to get snuggly and warm. Hopefully they can come home soon. Keep us posted. And good luck. Lisa, I hope today is better for you and you're moving forward with a good plan. Fingers crossed for you.

[Lisa]

I had no problem with your post Maya and didn't think you were meaning to complain on purpose or anything! Like you said we all have our emotions and frustrations in every part of this journey!

[Meliss]

Sorry to hear about the frustrations- it's bound to happen to anyone on bedrest! I'm not on bedrest and i still freak out on my husband and snap on a near daily basis about the littlest things. And also I have a very specific cereal to milk ratio I prefer so I understand :) I'm glad though that your reason for all of this is a good one .... I am still in lining limbo but things are not looking good.. My estrogen level is dangerously high (in 5000s) yet my lining has again gone down. (And i have been doing acupuncture for the last year). I have a gut feeling that this will be yet another cancelled FET.
Sending you and Noah strength to get through this as I know you will! Xo

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Oh Lisa. How frustrating. Mine went from .30 to non-detectable in about 6 months--maybe it was a year. Either way you still have some choices ahead of you, though hard choices for sure. I hope I didn't sound like I was complaining too much in that last post. I know, being on bed rest is not the worst problem to have and I appreciate where I am every day. But we all have moments of frustration, no matter where we are at. I wish you so much luck with IUI #4! Jojo, you're so sweet. Noah finally did go to the market and I've guilted my mom into coming on Weds so I think I'll be ok. I thought the pains were the ligaments but when I looked online it aid those pains are usually sharp and short lived. This is more a dull pain in the side crotch. Glorious, I know. But perhaps you're right, it's just manifesting a bit different. Whatever. I'll live. XO

[Jojo]

So frustrating! If I lived close I would come bring you food and help you around the house. You deserve to have a personal butler for what you have been through! Also- those twinges are probably round ligaments growing because little Momo is stretching out! Sometimes they are dull aches and sometimes sharp pains. They always seem to be only on one side at a time. Xoxo

[Lisa]

My AMH went from 1.35 to 0.70 in 10 months - WTF, freaked out at my dr. appointment this morning...but Dr. was reassuring, blah blah blah. So damn frustrating...if this IUI (#4) doesn't take then moving on to IVF I'm afraid. I just hate this stupid island and want off! Maya, I'd do anything to be on bed rest and driving my husband crazy - haha!!! Thanks for sharing what's it's really like behind the scenes :)