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November 19, 2014

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Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Mandy--ok. I will. I'm weird about the "belly bump" pict but will figure it out. Thanks for being so supportive! Britney-- CONGRATS! So happy for you and very interested to know more about this clinic. It sounds really interesting, do you mind sharing the name? Sounds like you and I have the same plan-- it took a village to create our babies, how beautiful and generous that is! Noah always says when our kid is ready to ask questions we can tell her that we wanted her so badly, and other people wanted us to have her that they gave parts of themselves. Wishing you all the best with your P.

Britney

Maya, I'm so grateful to you for bringing awareness to this option of building a family. After 4 rounds of IVF failed, I researched alternative options and came across embryo adoption/donation. I contacted all of the clinics in my area but none of them had couples that were donating their remaining embryos. I found a clinic in Northern CA that offered embryo adoption using embryos from an egg donor and sperm donor that they match. The clinic has a 80% success rate after 3 transfers. Their success rates are high because they use donors in their 20's with no fertility issues therefore reducing the chance of abnormal embryos that don't produce a viable pregnancy. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and for me, I feel most comfortable saying we adopted an embryo because adoption is when the genetic parents have no intention of parenting the child. We received extensive profiles on both the egg donor and sperm donor which allowed us to decide the best fit for us. We will have some information to pass onto our child but the donors are anonymous. We plan to tell our child how so many amazing people helped us to bring her/him into our family. I don't allow others religious or political views to play a role in our decision to create our family. I'm so glad Momo is doing well and your doctor is not concerned about your clot. Sending love from San Diego.

Mandy

Post a pic! i would love to see you finally living your dream!

Don't Count Your Eggs

Tami--I'm so ready to live in your world ;) JCS, so sorry you got the worst birthday gift on the fact of the earth! UGH! I feel for you and so know that feeling of doing everything you were told to do--testing etc, and still not getting the desired result--the hope comes crashing down so hard with a BFN it can make you literally sick to your stomach. And it is expensive and when you're spit out on the other side of it with your stupid cycle calendar all marked up and your empty boxes of meds it's hard to even know what to do with yourself. Some how we all find a way to figure out what our next move is going to be. Sometimes it takes some time to regroup and heal. Sending lots of love to you. Hi Carla--you are so right that Momo is WAY better off in my uterus, kicking away than in a dark freezer somewhere. It is amazing and I'm glad you and your husband might also have this as an option on your horizon. The terminology is still tricky all the way around. I know people who adopted (traditionally) and they went through much more of an extensive process, marketing themselves, waiting to be matched, getting to know the birth mom, legalities, home studies, etc. That is what I think about when I think of the adoption process and I do want to acknowledge that we didn't have to go through any of that. We chose from embryos that happened to be left over at the clinic. We went through a lot in a different way ;) In terms of your feelings about using an egg donor, it sounds like you know what feels right to you and that's super important. We all have to do what feels right to create our family. I must say though, that I do know/ have talked to egg donors who don't at all feel they suffer when in the process of helping another family. I talked a gal who donated eggs several times and the meds had no effect on her, and the money she made (yes, not exactly a "donation," right?) allowed her to pay off school loans. She also felt very excited that she was able to contribute to making a family and knows that she contributed to bringing several children into the world. I wouldn't wish the ovarian stim process on anyone, having also gone through it also--but some people have really different experiences. Knowing there are embryos just sitting there is a really loving choice indeed! It's all interesting and very personal. Thanks for your thoughts and best of luck with your next steps. Hi Toni--Lucky #4! Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am to be going through this at a time where I have a variety of options, however painful and hard they are, at least there are options.

Toni

When I was trying to have a baby in the 70's, I had 3 miscarriages in the process. We were so frustrated that we discussed adoption. You see, that was the only option back then. There were no IUI's, IVF's...nothing but adoption to have a family if you were unable to bare a child. Luckily, the 4th time was a charm & was also able to have another child 4 yrs. later. I am fascinated with your story & you only have to answer to God & yourselves.

Carla

I am disappointed you put adoption in quotes. I wish you had continued using adoption or donation as you see fit, never mind what the "haters" on the left and right say. Embryo adoption doesn't have to be associated with a religious or political movement unless we let it be…by putting adoption in quotes to identify as not having religious motives.
I don't agree with people who turn this private matter into something political, but I don't believe the Christian right is doing something wrong by taking on the issue of the number of frozen embryos in storage and the number of childless couples. They are doing something good. You weren't originally motivated by the idea of saving an embryo, that makes sense to me, but doesn't it add to the good feelings about this process that you did? Isn't she better off now than suspended in liquid nitrogen? Don't minimize the wonderful thing that you and the donating couple did! You turned the pain of infertility into something amazing, even more amazing than standard ART.
We decided not to do egg "donation" and that was not for financial reasons. I put egg donation in quotes here to make the point that the donor would have been compensated and yet we call it egg donation because it better reflects the situation of the egg donor trying to help, just like the term embryo adoption may not be technically correct - they are not even compensated so it really is donation - but it better reflects that the adopting family is hoping for a child and the donating family gave up a possible child. Anyway, we are not doing egg donation because we don't want to pay a woman for her body. It is almost a feminist thing. We don't want to put another woman through the suffering and risk that is egg donation (after having gone through four ovarian stimulations myself I know how hard it can be) when so many woman have already suffered through that and the embryos are sitting there frozen as a result. (But we do not claim any moral high ground. I don't think those that pursue egg donation are wrong to do so. We have one child who is genetically ours. I cannot say how I would act if we did not have her. And after all, I am hoping for the embryos that couples who may have used egg donation have so lovingly given up.) For us, embryo donation seemed like a more loving way to go about this. And embryo adoption is a wonderful way to describe the process.

JCS

Well said, Maya (and Tami). Maya, I admire your bravery and strength and am really happy for you all. Embryo adoption is definitely something I'm going to keep in mind for the future. And I thank you for bringing this issue to light and making people aware of this option because I think for a lot of us the ability to carry a child is something we really want to experience- I know i do. So, I have sad news. On Monday (my 35th birthday), we found out that our first FET was a BFN. I am so bummed :( We only had 2 in the freezer, both PGD tested and everything looked perfect. I have no problems getting pregnant (3 miscarriages last year) so it is incredibly frustrating that we identified the "problem," removed it from the equation and then I didn't even get pregnant! I am at the point where I am so fed up with IVF. While it does provide hope, it's so expensive and i definitely not a quick fix. Hanging in there and hoping for better luck next time!

Tami

If only people could remove these two elements from all difficult equations: religion, and politics.....wow the world would be a completely different place.

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