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November 21, 2014

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Emma

Thank for sharing your story.It may help other couples

lisa

I have not disclosed to any of my family members that iam going through this process and i dont have anyone to talk to ..... feeling very nervous .... i told my husband that the changes of the succesful IVF is 0nly 35 % and he said that dont worry we will be in that 35 % :) ... pls do share some stories which are about successful IVF ... cause right now reading the negative outcome is making me very nervous. .

Don't Count Your Eggs

Beautifully said WBC, and sounds like the two of us are very close in our timing! Not if this child is born healthy, but when ;) so happy for you. And congrats to you Cherise for getting lucky on the first try! But I'm sorry trying to expand your family now is so difficult. I wish you all the luck with your next steps.

Cherise

This is such a great story, thank you for sharing. My journey, in some ways, has been the opposite of most people and IVF did "just work" at first. We began trying when I was 37 and quickly found out that I had DOR with an AMH of 0.2. We moved quickly to IVF and eventhough I didn't respond great, we got pregnant with our son on our first IVF cycle. Two years later, we are trying to expand our family and I am only realizing now how "lucky" we were. My RE says she doesn't think we will be that lucky again, and certainly after 3 cancelled IVF attempts that converted to IUI's and a natural chemical pregnancy, it looks like she might be right. We are considering donor eggs to expand our family. While we haven't told many people about our decision, those we have told have given mixed reactions. Infertility is an interesting roller coaster.

WBC

I like to come up with metaphors to help me process my experiences, and I liken going through 3 failed IUIs to being on a plane that was slowly losing it's engines one by one. Success on our first IVF was like having that plane crash but getting out with only a few cuts and bruises before the thing went up in flames. It could have been so much worse. We lost some pretty expensive luggage but all in all were very very lucky. I'm now past 20 weeks, and if this child is born healthy, people will have no idea what drama we endured to get him unless we tell them about it- outwardly we will just look like any other family. But the experience of living through the crash will stay with me forever, some days it is just more salient than others. The lesson of gratitude for what others take for granted, however, I hope will always be at the forefront for me.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Anita. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I know how painful it is and I'm glad you've found some support in your acupuncturist. I felt the same way--mine was so great and loving. Your Hubs is there for you, it's just hard on everyone. But I hope your resolution is around the corner because you've seriously been through enough! Wishing you the best. Always.

Anita

I am so happy for Kalle and Herbie. Thanks to them and to you, Maya, for sharing their great story. I believe that this pain and heartache is totally not forgettable irrespective of the outcomes. I also feel that medical science has so much to achieve yet in the field of infertility. My grandmothers had babies way into their forties and I cringe when women in 30s are already called advanced age now. What I absolutely hate is "unexplained infertility" as in my case where all numbers look fine, response is good, embryos look great, yet all ended in nothing but pain, 5 times.
My husband is my pillar of strength and he never talks about his stress that this journey is causing us. But 3 days back he and I were talking and he listed our infertility struggles as his #1 stress. I felt so selfish that I keep getting depressed and crying on his shoulder and never ever asked him how all this affects him. I think for all of us islanders the pain, the thoughts surrounding infertility are always there in the background irrespective of what we are doing, where we are. We had so many other plans, but everything is now pushed off until we find a resolution.
Acupuncture did help my response to ivf, but we still got negatives. But at least I can talk to my acupuncturist as I do not like sharing things with others.
I wish you, Noah, Kalle and Herbie the best.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Brenda-- thanks for this comment. I'm happy to hear you're regrouping a bit. It's so hard when things fall apart, over and over again. Noah and I have been there--just utterly lost about what comes next. I'm glad you have so much love in your life and wish you the best in figuring out the next steps. Erin-- thanks so much for sharing this info. I will check them out. Your right in that some of the various embryo "adoption/donation" agencies aren't inclusive, that's why I always recommend for people interested to try private clinics first, but knowing about this place in Florida is a great resource. Thank you! And I'm so happy that it seems like you've been matched! Um--sorry to admit but the puppy didn't work out--it was yet another heartbreak but I had several deaths in my family the week we got her so ended up letting another gal adopt her since I had to travel for funerals. Not a great time in my life. But anyway, I wish you all the best and glad your pup is there to give you some love. Mel-- you're so right. This is a life changing journey. My friend Candace, who adopted her son after years on IF Island sometimes says, "Adoption is not a cure for infertility." That stands out to me because she is right. While many of us find was to resolve our crisis, our past experience doesn't magically disappear, but perhaps it does become more of the background as our new experience is what we focus on. I don't think Kalle's tears were purely sad thinking about her journey, but also amazement and gratitude--it all gets wrapped up together I think. I don't know if many people who go through IF can just close that chapter and never look back, even when they have had success. I know a few people who say they have so maybe it's possible. We all deal with things so very differently I suppose. Good luck to you as you heal your wounds and move forward towards a new more exciting and beautiful experience.

Brenda

Thank you again Maya for sharing your interviews with couples that we otherwise would never see. This is a great story and I am so happy for them! I too cried with her and can imagine that even after being successful, the emotions of the journey stick around. Our last failed cycle was in July (our 4th failed IVF) and after that it's been tough figuring out what to do next. The first couple of months after, it was pure sadness and disbelief that we were in that place yet again. But now in the last month, we have finally been able to see clearly again, rise up again, and change our outlook. I don't know what's next but we are happy and in love. And I count my blessings everyday that I have my family, my friends, and people like you and others here that continue to provide love, support, and hope.

erin

I so appreciate your blog and your movie (just watched the trailer). I've had five failed IVFs and a miscarrage. I cried watching you in the movie, but realized that I didn't cry during my many failed attempts. I've been trying to do this on my own and perhaps getting the negative news is easier if you are single as you only have you to be disappointed.

After pretty much giving up, I was inspired to look into embryo donation. My doc enthusiastically recommended Embryo Donation International in Florida, they have been amazing to work with and I was very very lucky to be matched with a donor through an open process very quickly. It is expensive, but much less so than adoption (which is prohibitively biased against single parents) or using donor eggs. I've struggled with wondering how it will turn out, who to tell and how to be the best mom possible. If this place wasn't on your radar before, you may want to check it out. They were really the only place that didn't openly discriminate against single women or other "alternative" parents, a nice contrast to the highly religious sites that call embryos "snow babies" and insist that parents must be heterosexual, been married for years, etc...

There are so many complexities surrounding this topic and I'm so thankful that you are willing to educate people about this and provide an outlet for those of us who have gone through it. I wish you the very best in your journey.

(Your puppy is adorable by the way, I also adopted a puppy as a surrogate and she is pretty awesome.)

Thank you!

Mel

How emotional! I cried with her too. I am very happy for them. It's a beautiful story with a happy ending that I wish to everyone here.
What's striking is how emotional she still is about the IF experience. Even if she succeeded, all the distress and the pain came back to surface in a split second. For whatever reason, I imagined that those who became parents after the IF roller-coaster recovered fully, putting all the suffering behind to start a new life with the family they wanted so much. No more pain, no more tears of sadness. Just happiness, gratitude and enjoying the gift of life.
I thought those tears that rush to my eyes every time I think about our battle was the result of our failed attempts and that once we'd succeed I'd move on to my new life, leaving all the bad thoughts back on IF island.

Kalle made me realize that the result is only one piece of the story. This is a life changing journey. As we find our way back to a "normal" life, we will have to heal the wounds left by the IF experience, no matter what the outcome is.

Thank you for sharing this very telling video Maya. I sooo look forward to seeing your movie.

Tami

In tears. Oh man, bawling over here. Thanks to this great couple for sharing your story. It sure hits home for a lot of couples. Enjoy your babies:)

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