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November 03, 2014

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Don't Count Your Eggs

Mel--That's like a scene out of a bad Cameron Diaz movie! A parade of preggos??? Seriously? Maybe they were "sorority sisters" who all conveniently got P at the same time. How lovely for them. I've had moments like these and sometimes I just tell myself one day I'll look back and laugh at the utter ridiculousness. One day. Wishing you all the best.

Mel

About those baby announcements that pop on the worst day of your life. I remember distinctly the day we got the news that our little chickpea had stopped developing in my wombs. My husband took me to lunch in a quiet place so I could cry without being bothered by people. He asked that we be seated in a corner, close to a window so I could look away when it'd be too hard to contain those tears. It was so sweet of him for finding that place. In the middle of lunch, a toddler runs down the street with a pink balloon that read : “12 sisters”. A few seconds later, a pregnant lady passed by in a hurry (the pregnant mom I thought). Soon after, another dozen of women passed by. Believe it or not. : they ALL were pregnant, like 8-month pregnant, a big belly high up in the air! A slap in the face. A knife in the heart that I will never forget. I fell bad for my husband who tried so hard to create a safe space for me that day But how could he predict that there will be a reunion of pregnant and cheerful women, next door. I burst in tears of course, but I am proud to report that I survived that horrible episode.

Maya, you hit the mark. Once again. Our lives became tentative when we started infertility treatment. Don't let the obstacles distract you from these valuable moments. Enjoy as much as you can. Big hugs!

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Carla-- I'm 19 weeks. I agree. I think it's much easier to have a blissful pregnancy when it was easy getting there because, well, you don't know any different and there isn't an expectation of difficulties. I also think that there are just naturally more complications with IVF pregnancies. So sorry to hear about your struggles--secondary infertility can be really confusing too. Good luck with embryo adoption! Jess-- I love your mantra. I've found that really helpful too. My mantra changes, but I might start telling myself Momo is actually made of steel! I got the results back from the second trimester blood tests where they look for more chromosome issues, congenital birth defects, spina bifida etc. and everything came back fine so that's helped my cause today! Thanks for sharing as always. Oh Kiki, it's so hard when the newborn train comes through your life. I remember having four friends, yup, four different people, tell me they were pregnant on the SAME DAY! They all waited until after the holidays and it was like January 4th. One after the other. Actually, the 4th person I guessed and it was confirmed via text. That also meant that four babies were then born the same week, and Noah and I still hadn't even gotten close. Now said babies are over a year old! It's a terrible feelings but try to put on your blinders best you can. Hopefully not all is lost with adoption (I know several people over 40 who have successfully adopted, one couple was matched in 12 days!). I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself. MP-- congrats on your success and twins! I'm sure this tentative feeling is so common for many of us who have struggled. People who've gone through infertility and have felt tentative their whole pregnancies tell me they regret "not enjoying it more" and yell at me for not "enjoying it." I'm trying. I really am. But sometimes it's hard. I can't wait to hear Momo cry! Thanks for sharing. A Few Good Eggs-- 30 weeks! That's exciting! But also scary for you I can imagine. That amendment is ridiculous and hurtful! I can't believe it even exists to be voted on. Sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine that, and good luck with the next ten weeks!

A Few Good Eggs

Maya, I totally agree. I'm in a different situation with you, but I feel tentative about this pregnancy constantly (I'll be 30 weeks on Friday) and I won't feel like things are going to work out until I am holding a living, breathing baby in my arms.

I also live in Colorado and voted on the personhood amendment. As someone who had a stillbirth and who could, under the new law, be investigated as part of the stillbirth, I found the amendment abhorrent. I don't know how I would have survived such a process in addition to the grief.

Thinking of you and hoping the bleeding is nothing to worry about...

MP

I totally recognize your thought process! Even though we "only" did one cycle of IVF and now have two beautiful 6 month old baby boys, I always felt "tentative" during the pregnancy. Every ultrasound or checkup that looked good was almost like a surprise. And I thought I'd be fine after 12 weeks, 16 weeks etc but I truly didn't believe it would all work out until I heard them cry after they were born!! You almost wish you could enjoy it more but after the disappointments it's hard to always stay positive. Keep doing what you're doing! Momo is comfy and snuggly in there!!

Kiki

Maya, it is so hard. On either side of the fence. Hang in there.
I am so jealous - I can't even function today since two more precious perfect newborns arrived in my circle of friends this weekend - and I know this means the dimming of our friendships as the parents slip away into babyland. I always thought I had a ticket to babyland but as everyday passes, I realize I missed my chance in my mid twenties and now at 39, I have no more time left. The adoption people are gently discouraging and to do anymore IVF seems a waste of money we'd have to borrow. My heart is permanently broken and I am ready to let it all go. Keep up the good work, Maya - we need more people like you.

Jess

Oh, and one more thing, during my time on bed rest (with pre eclampsia and HELLP) and during the unknown I repeated the following mantra over and over again until I felt complete calm "I am healing and my babies are growing". I can't tell you how much it helped to have a mantra. Even when I was filled with anxiety repeating it over and over until that is all that filled my brain helped so much. Xoxo

Jess

I am so sorry about the scare and feelings of anxiety. As always though you have the right attitude about everything. Once Momo arrives you will look back on everything and marvel at your strength and journey. For now, it is all about staying sane and as positive as possible within the fear and unknown. Lots of hugs

Carla

I'm wondering how many weeks you are. We have secondary infertility. We got pregnant on the first try with our daughter, which now seems like a miracle. I am so thankful for that experience and try all the time to remember it even as I suffer with this great sadness of being unable to conceive again no matter how much I want it. My pregnancy and delivery were bliss and I think it was partly because the conception was so easy. I understand that after a difficult conception, an easy pregnancy is hard to attain. I think it's psychological too. Not saying that this is all your thinking, but that rather, our thinking was so positive with our first pregnancy because it was all so easy, it made me healthier and stronger. We had not a cloud on our horizon, as far as we knew! We have since learned of our infertility diagnosis and have had four failed IVFs. We are moving on to embryo adoption because I so dearly want to be pregnant and breastfeed again.
Also, in some countries, like France, surrogate motherhood is illegal and it is illegal to pay for eggs or sperm. I find this interesting. I myself was not comfortable paying a woman for her eggs, which is why we are trying embryo adoption. (Paying a man for his stuff, no problem, easier process and less risk!) In France they consider it a kind of human trafficking to pay a person for their eggs or sperm or uterus. They have a valid point. Of course it is much much harder then to get to third party reproduction. And I'm sure embryo adoption is way way behind there, if not nonexistent. I love that the US is pioneering so much, even embryo adoption.

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