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December 15, 2014

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Anita

Maya, This is a follow up to Lacey's post. I know how annoying and hurtful it feels when people who have kids set out to preach the rest. Here I'm going through a long struggle to somehow have a family and a friend of mine is always telling me how hard it is to raise kids! I told her once how tired I was after whole day of cleaning my house, and her response was that cleaning and slogging will feel like a breeze to me once I have a baby. And somehow all conversation I have with her boils down to how difficult it is to raise a kid and I will understand it someday!

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for sharing your stories everyone. Yeah. These kinds of comments or situations can really catch us all off guard. I have to say, I avoided them completely for a very long time in fear of what Lacey is talking about--bday brawl? t's so crazy how people feel they have the right-- or even duty to tell you you HAVE to have another child because your child HAS to have a sibling. They have no idea what it takes some times. I'm a very strong advocate of doing what feels right to you. You have no obligation to put yourself in an uncomfortable and upsetting situation. Sending love to everyone out there. I know the holidays can bring a LOT of this stuff up.

kiki

Hey good work Maya, I have been forcing myself to every kids b-day I get invited to (and even offer to clean up) but using a technique of sympathetic joy - where I just let myself participate in all the love and happiness in full, knowing that my baby is on its way to me and DH. It's not easy. It requires a meditation and medication (valium) practice.

Lacey

Adam and I went a friend's daughter's first birthday. We are almost the last of our group of friends to have kids and as hard as that is to wrap my mind around, we're pretty well-versed in baby parties. We've gone to a lot. At this party, we hadn't had our two failed IUI's yet. I was still feeling pretty positive about life. During the part where the little girl was opening her presents and everyone was standing around watching, Adam and I stood back and were just watching. I don't even think I had a shell-shocked look on my face (actually I DIDN'T.) And one of our friends, who just had a baby, started laughing at us and said "You two look shell-shocked. This is how parties for one year olds go. It's always crazy. You'll understand when you have kids." She said this in front of everyone. EVERYONE. I was so angry I could have slugged her (brawl at a birthday party, anyone?). And the thing is, we weren't shell-shocked. Like I said before, we've been to plenty of parties. I have a one-year-old nephew. It was just so insensitive of her. We've passed on parties if we know she'll be there. But now, after two failed IUI's and feeling horrible about my stupid body, we've been avoiding contact with friends with kids. Maybe it's not the healthiest thing to do - or the nicest - but it's just what we have to do at this point.

Sorry for my novel -- you just gave me a great blog post idea.

Lisa

Wow... I think I need to use that phrase "feeling okay to be different" as my motto for the coming year. I love how you handled the conversation with the gender predicting lady, too.

Valerie

I think it's awesome that you could so freely tell this random woman that you used a donor, and it sounds like no one got obnoxious about it in any way. Gives me hope.

Anita

I find it amazing, Maya, that you handle all these sticky situations so well. I find it very difficult to talk about it. I worry that I'll break down and start crying. So, I've not told anyone, which is again a crappy situation to be in. There are times I have to just talk about RE appointments to my manager at work when they fall at the time of travel or a meeting. I take my work also very seriously, and feel a bit down that other girls in my team did not have to go through this. But I seriously wish I could avoid nosey folks. :)
34 is a young mom to be, and in today's time quite common. I also read about epigenetics and feel very happy that you as the mother who carries influences the way genes express themselves. That is so cool..I'm sure Momo would be a miniature reflection of you. I send you all love, and so wish that your ultrasound machines were not so crappy and I could see a picture of Momo.

Jojo

Good for you! Sounds like you had a great reaction. I personally find those blissfully ignorant nosey women super annoying. I had a woman at a party this weekend tell me that I absolutely have to have a sibling for my son soon ( if only it were that easy). She was ignorant but her insistence bugged the crap out of me. Anyway- glad you are doing so much for this community- even at a kid's party.

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