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January 09, 2015


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Thank you for your thoughts, Maya. This post perfectly describes how I am feeling today. We dropped off the deposit this morning to secure our egg donor. I am confident that this is the best course for us to expand our family. However, the mixed emotions of relief, hope, anxiety, and sadness can feel overwhelming. Sometimes I shake my head and think "I can't believe we are really here, at this place, at this choice". But, I am quickly learning to embrace this life "curveball".

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Terri-- Thanks for sharing our trailer! And I don't know about DQAlpha. No doc has ever talked to us about it. I can imagine that's tough info to get and I wish you the best of luck with whatever route you choose next. Embryo donation has been a great choice for us but I do understand it taking some time to come to terms with. Anita!!! All your feelings are totally understandable. Yes there are hormones and all that good stuff but it's also overwhelming --all of it, and anxiety producing. Of course all of us on IF Island are so happy to get a BFP, but there are often other feelings that pop up when that BFP is more than one baby or with donated parts. All it means is that it's important to explore those feelings. Sounds like you have a good support system which is great. I don't think it's fair that IF Islanders are often told to be happy with whatever you get. We are happy! Sometimes we just need a little time to sort out the feelings. I have a friend who got pregnant naturally and really wanted a girl. She cried when she found out she was having a boy. That's harder for me to figure out and be empathic towards. Being worried about a twin pregnancy is normal but I know many people who had twins-- most were full term and totally healthy babies! The moms were HUGE, heads up! But all that mattered in the end were those healthy babies. Good luck. Let yourself process the info for a while.


You are so right, Maya. Life can spring so many unexpected surprises. We just so two little heartbeats yesterday. However, for 3 days until yesterday, I was very nervous, feeling sad and low, and could not understand what was going on with me. I am still coming to terms with the twin pregnancy. My family is of course excited but I kind of imagined myself with a single kid family! Might sound weird to someone, or may its my hormones talking. Because two weeks earlier I was thinking how wonderful a family with 4 kids would be! Anyways, I talked with my acupuncturist about how I feel like I'm not happy, and he was very nice about putting me to ease. My RE said that I'm nervous as this has finally happened after 4 years for us, and add to that the super high dose of estrogen I'm on. I hate these crazy hormones.
Also I wanted to let you know that this became possible after I moved to donor eggs. First try and success. You would imagine that how it involves mourning about letting go of your genetics but I realized that above all I want a family! Things that life teaches us.. We just need to change plans. I'm also worried about any twin pregnancy complications, I seriously am. Well, I can only hope for the best.
At the moment I'm swinging from happy to not so happy state.


I've been following your blog for awhile and have really loved the way you've shared your journey, how you write about it, and the trailer for the film. I shared it on ivf.ca which is a Canadian site for IVF'ers and people on IF island (as you call it).
My partner and I just found out we have a partial DQAlpha match which means that we have an immune system issue that gets in the way of us being able to conceive together. And since it's an issue between my uterus and his sperm, donor eggs don't even fix the issue and people can fail with donor eggs with this issue. Anyways, we just found this out and reading your blog, it made me wonder after your attempt with your sister's eggs failed whether you guys might have something similar.
In any case, I really resonate with this post about things not exactly what we imagined and trying to find a way to be happy within that.
We're now having to consider either donor embryo or a donor egg/sperm combo to overcome the issue.

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