Hubs post! And, surprise, there will be no football (we shall never speak of the Super Bowl) or baseball (SF Giants are still world champs) talk today.
As most of you know, this week we launched the funding campaign to finish our documentary. I knew that soliciting my friends and co-workers to support our project financially (I HATE asking for anything, especially money) would be a tough ask for a lot of people considering that many of them A) did not know we were making a film, and B) did not know the extent of our fertility troubles. Throughout our time on IF Island, I have kept my discussion of our situation brief and tight. Not that I am ashamed by what we've gone through (actually I feel pretty empowered) but it's hard to cram five years of trying to have a baby and three years of filming a documentary into a text message or a simple chat at the office.
So I sent the email out and I waited. What would people think? Would they be upset that I'd held out this info? Would they be confused about just what crazy science experiment we'd been performing on Maya? Would we get some ignorant comment of "see, well it all works out in the end" or disapproval on our choice of embryo donation? Honestly, I didn't even have time to regret sending the email. Within minutes I was receiving messages and emails from friends. Not to mention generous contributions. "Amazing," "brave," "Maya is a rock star," "tell me more," "it's all about friends and family." This is what I got back.
Opening up the conversation about your struggles with infertility is tough. It's kind of like working up the nerve to go talk to that high school crush. It's frightening. She's going to embarrass me. I'm going to embarrass myself. And then ... you just start talking. And you realize she's a real person. And she talks back. And she cares what you have to say. It's normal to fear that your family or your friends or co-workers won't get what you have to say, or they'll put you down for your situation. But, y'know, chances are they're normal people, not sociopaths. And they care about you. And they want you to have the family that you're striving to have.
Tonight as I drove home I called an old friend. He's got a family and we don't talk as much as we used to. And I told him I was sorry that I didn't mention all of this sooner. This process has been weird, I said, and I was just waiting until I could tell people in my life so that it wouldn't be weird any more. And he said, "I figured you'd say something when you were ready."
Sharing your story is a really personal decision. Not everybody has the support they might need and it can open you up to comments or criticism. It took me a while to come around on the idea of sharing all of this, but I'm glad I did.
This is something that my husband have struggled with for the past 10 years. My husband has the Huntington's Disease gene. Basically the currently worst disease known to man. We've been asked hundreds of times when we were going to have kids. Often times I didn't know what to say. Much of the reason I didn't go into it, was because it was my husband's sensitive issue that I knew he wasn't ready for everyone and their dog to know about. But there came a day where we were both tired of hiding. It really did feel like we were alone in this whole "fertile, but shouldn't have kids, but want kids" sort of situation. So I wrote a blog post, and friends and family came out in full support. Now, 2.5 years later, our dream has come true and we are going through IVF/PGD. Something I never thought was a real possibility. I had my egg retrieval this last Monday, and 6/7 eggs fertilized. We are so excited. Even though we still have to wait until we get the results back on how many embryos do not have HD. We are hopeful. We are excited. And we have let our friends and family in on this new journey we are on. Here's my post where I spilled the beans: http://thatssewblake.blogspot.com/2012/08/havin-babies.html
I was really drawn to this blog because of the openness and honesty. Wanting kids and having obstacles in the way is one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced. I cannot wait to see this movie!
Posted by: Blake | March 05, 2015 at 08:35 AM