Take a moment to think about how you read this title.
I came across this cleaning out my desk. It was in a binder from a training I did with a fabulous therapist and hypnotherapist in New York, named Helen Adrienne. If you're in the NY area and need support, look her up. She teaches mind-body classes at NYU. And if you're a mental health professional, she is actually doing another training mid May. I found the training on Coping with Infertility super helpful both as a professional and a patient.
Anyway, I remember turning to this page in the binder and immediately seeing JOY IS NOWHERE. It was a month or so before we were going to pursue embryo donation and while I was excited that we found Momo and found a good option for us, I was also terrified, and still working on letting go of various expectations I had about how my family was going to be created. I had years of infertility baggage and my brain automatically went to the negative. That's what can happen when you've been struggling--with anything really. You start expecting the worst and you start seeing things through a negative lens.
Today when I came across this page, I saw JOY IS NOW HERE. I don't know if it is because I knew about my choices in perception, so to speak, or because my brain is able to see the light now. I don't know if it was automatic or if over time I've been able to cognitively restructure the way I see things. Perhaps it's because I know that any day now Momo will be here, and she is the joy we've been searching for for all these years.
Sometimes we feel like joy is nowhere. Like we've been running in circles and there is no way out. But then the clouds part and there is sunshine. There has to be sunshine, eventually, because nothing stays the same forever.
Wishing everyone on IF Island much light and joy.
Sadly, I read Joy is no where. This only confirms what I have noticed lately. Somehow, I am getting acquainted with the idea that maybe it won't happen. Ever.
Maya, you are the living proof that miracles happen. And i wish you guys all the happiness of the world with Momo. But as time goes by, I feel I am joining that fraction of the IF population that may not be able to experience the miracle of child baring. Getting used to this idea is unbearable, but as I go from failure to failure, it is as if my brain was preparing me for the worst. I feel so empty and defeated.
Posted by: Mel | March 19, 2015 at 11:42 PM
As I am gearing up for my first IVF your blog posts have been exactly what I needed. Remembering that IVF no matter the outcome won't be my magical key to happiness has been life's message to me this week. I am so strong from my IF battle, and I hope to remember that. Joy Is Nowhere is going on my IVF inspiration cards. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Anne | March 18, 2015 at 11:37 AM
This is so cool! I am knee deep in failed a IVF cycles for another miracle baby and saw KOY IS NOW HERE. Made me happy because I am working hard to hang onto joy and not waste time feeling sorry or sad. Life is too short and unpredictable for that.
Posted by: Jojo | March 18, 2015 at 11:10 AM