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April 08, 2015


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My husband and I are currently considering embryo adoption. We live in Spain and the law here is that it has to be anonymous. Like you, I wonder what the child would want and I think I'd want to support them in making contact if they wanted. With the law as it stands now though, I'm not convinced that would be possible. It's inspiring for me to read your story.


They should have responded to your email. We are doing open donation. There was no question it was the right choice for everyone involved. As long as the story is conveyed without angst, in a matter of fact way, I think it will turn out alright. Our daughter never begs for a sibling or is upset about being an only child because we never made a big deal of it. We certainly never had her pray for God to give her a sibling! That would be putting our adult problems on a child. If we acted like being an only was a problem she would believe it is. Instead we act like this is the family God wants us to have and this is the way it's supposed to be.


I've only recently found your blog through your wonderful and upcoming documentary (it's been making the rounds on babycenter) and it is literally the first time in the past 3 years of our infertility isolation that I've felt like someone understood where I was coming from, even if it was someone I had never met.

We are about to embark on our own embryo donation saga (transferring around May 28!) and have spent a lot of time weighing the different options between 'embryo adoption' and 'embryo donation' and have been dealing with the same ethical dilemmas you discuss in this post. With the program we've chosen, we won't even have a photograph of our donors, just a set of statistics and a birth year.

Your posts have really given me hope, something that has been incredibly hard to find since November, when we suffered our fifth loss due to my chromosomally abnormal eggs (the reason we're doing embryo donation instead of IVF). Thank you for putting words to the feelings I cannot express and the fears I haven't been able to share.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Hi Lauren, You are so right. Healthy loved kids is all that really matters but this added...relationship or lack there of is something we will have to figure out I guess. How weird that the donor just kind of disappeared. I can imagine the disappointment. Elizabeth-- you're right about the 23andme stuff-- I just wonder how interested Momo will be. The clinic's program is anonymous. The egg donor was anonymous and the embryo donation program is small and also anonymous.


even if the couple wants to stay anonymous it may not happen. With the rise of genetic analysis services like 23andme, Momo can find her genetic relatives herself, with or without the biological parents' consent.
Just curious- does the clinic support open embryo adoption/donation or is it clinic policy that they be closed?


I wrestle with his too and our EDC was extremely guarded about our donor. I even wonder if she told our donor not to keep in contact (we exchanged emails, had a lovely long one from her, but then never heard from her again--not a thank you for the gift we left her, not a congrats on BFP, not even congrats on birth). It is a little hurtful after having heard from her. I definitely had expectations based on that. But right now it's time to focus on our amazing daughter and see how she feels when she's older. Our daughters are healthy and loved, and that is really all that matters.

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