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April 03, 2015


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I'm late to this, but we've had a mixed bag. Our closest friends and my family and my husband's brother and his wife have all been incredibly supportive, and we are so, so fortunate. But his parents seem to be, at best, incredibly uncomfortable with the subject. They mostly just ignore our time on IF Island completely, but when they do actually say something, it often tends to be hurtful and dismissive and tone-deaf.

Outside of my in-laws, however, I will say that I have gotten pretty good at calmly confronting ignorance and explaining things. Granted, I don't always have the energy to host a one-woman version of the Idiot's Guide to Infertility, but I do it in hopes that whatever awful thing was said to me won't be said to the next person.

Don't Count Your Eggs

It is really hard to deal with people not getting it. I find the more people try but totally miss the mark, the more defensive and frustrated I feel. But the more I try to convince people-- or try to help people understand from my POV, the more it feels like I'm banging my head against the wall. So I try my best, I try to explain. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And then I let it go and move on and accept the fact that not everyone is going to understand or be empathic. IF is an invisible thing indeed. And many will say it's not the worst problem a person can have. True, perhaps. But it is painful and isolating and heartbreaking and deserves to be better understood. Sending love to everyone.


I must agree with you Jojo and Mel. The struggle with infertility is hard enough and to add on top of that hurtful comments and ignorance from people who supposed to provide support and love is not what I can handle! I tried to educate and explain, but I got in return silence and pure ignorance which caused me to shut down and simply I stopped sharing. It is much better this way; but still sad.


Both my parents and my in-laws are completely supportive of our decision
to proceed with IVF. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have that support. The whole process is already hard enough. My mom doesn't fully understand the actual process but she listens to me when I describe it in great depth. We are presently waiting to do a frozen embryo transfer. Going to stay positive and hope for the best!


Infertility and mental health disorders are the least understood and least supported of medical diagnoses, I think. Someone in my family has bipolar disorder and it gets about as little sympathy as infertility. Mention cancer or multiple sclerosis and everyone rushes to donate or support in some way. We are a visual society and infertility and mental health disorders are unseen. They are not physical. Infertility: just try harder or you're trying too hard. Mental health: just get some exercise or take up yoga or something.
It is so wrong. But people are imperfect and you have to forgive their shortcomings or you will always be bitter. However I would love to see a revolution much like what happened in the last century regarding the disease of alcoholism. Before it was hush-hush. Now we know it is a real illness and generally take it more seriously.
Nobody, not even my mother who tries, understands. Only my husband, and the wonderful couple we are communicating with who plan to give us their embryos. In more ways than one, embryo donation creates a very special bond between two families who have struggled with this illness


I'm not sure this fits the topic discussed, but i'll bring it up anyways.

I have been trying to get my friends and family to support your indigogo campaign and I must admit I am a quite surprised by their reaction, not to say shocked. No questions asked. 0. I suspect few have donated anonymously, but they did not take the credit, at least not with me. I don't know what to think about this underwhelming reaction. Is it that they simply don't care, or are they uncomfortable with the subject of my struggles? Either way, it is consistent with how the world views and reacts to infertility.

I have done my part Maya, but it looks like the world has other priorities. There's a lot more work to be done and your documentary is much needed!


I would say that unless I know the person is supportive and coming from a place of love and acceptance-- I do not explain. I don't want anyone in my inner circle who isn't 100 percent supportive. This road is damn hard without the ignorance or judgement of others. Unless they have experienced IF the level I have and can offer advice and opinions, they should just offer support and love. I really recommend cutting out people who don't or won't get it while we are on IF island.


my mom doesn't understand what we are doing cause she's older and from the Middle East and I can't really find the right words to express in arabic what donated embryos conception looks like. She believes we're adopting a child and we kinda are so im not over explaining it to her. Even though I've put in my fundraiser page as much details as I could and asked everyone who would like more clarification to ask I have not gotten any questions from my friends. Even people who I've explained the procedure to, once they hear IVF they think we will be using our own gametes. I'm just tired of re-explaining everything.

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