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April 06, 2015

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Sus

I totally understand about keeping Momo's privacy :)

AHHH YESS!! The other day, we went out shopping at the local grocery store like 10 mins away, I saw a girl cough in there and FREAKED OUT and called the Kids Health help line and went into craze mode, like "OMG IS MY SON GONNA CATCH THE WHOOPING COUGH?? Even though he was immunized 2 days ago??" LOL I bet they're either laughing about it or saying "another one of those new parents..."

OH YES the grunting, I totally relate to that. I remmeber freaking out over the snorts, thinking he was congested and will have trouble breathing but slowly learning they're normal. Oh and the poop, it's like.. "why is he pooping 5 times one night and none the next? something must be horribly wrong...." Oh man all the craziness. But yes, the more you gain experience, the easier it gets :D

But you are so absolutely right, that worry is 10000x better than any pregnancy/ivf/infertility worries. Those days felt sooo slow, I remember being on bed rest as well just wishing the days away and after what felt like 5 years, I'm going, "why is it only been two days??"
OMG and thank you for replying, always so happy to read your posts!!

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for sharing Sus and Adriana! Adriana, you're so right about trying to see things from someone else's perspective. It's funny that what one person is complaining about would be a blessing for someone else and I guess it's just a reminder that we all have our battles and that this isn't the pain olympics. Being kind to ourselves and each other is really key, and perhaps being sensitive to others. Sus! You crack me up! I have those same thoughts daily. I wrote our pediatrician an email yesterday with the subject heading New Mom Neurosis and had a list of questions that sounded something like: My baby grunts like a seal/bulldog/piglet is this normal? I think it's normal to worry and guess it's kind of par for the course now. I much prefer this worry to worrying about my beta numbers or if my uterine lining is going to thicken in time. That worry made me sick. In terms of Momo's real name, I'm kind of hesitant to post it and to post too many picts of her. (though she's pretty cute so I'm sure I'll post a few more). I haven't quite figured out how I feel about her privacy and her owning her own story from here on out. Up until she was an actual person it felt like this was my story. But now that she is here I have mixed feelings, so for now she'll be Momo-- that's what everyone calls her anyway! Poor gal.

Adriana

It's mind blowing those first weeks and months after being on the infertility roller coaster! In your post you talked about how annoyed you felt when people complained about the crazy first days, but you have to remember they are coming from a different perspective.. I have insufficient glandular tissue and can make only 1/4 of my daughter's milk and then suppliment with formula. Always so hard for me to hear people struggling or complaining about over supply, when I can't make enough. Not a criticism, just that unless you've walked in a person shoes (whether it's infertility or under supply or no supply) sometimes you can't aporeciate all the emotions involved. Different struggles makes you appreciate life differently from others and that's why we just have to be kind to each other because we don't always know the whole story.
Enjoy that wonderful baby!!! You guys have worked so hard emotionally and physically to have her. ❤️

Sus

OMG I'm so curious to what you've named her as well! Please share it with us!!!

BTW I conceived my lil boy through IVF after finding out my partner had no sperm at all, and after operation to remove both testes, it revealed that none was in there, so we used donor sperm. We too feel our boy is 100% ours, he's our absolute precious miracle and I almost feel sad thinking about if our situation was different, we wouldn't have him. It makes everything feel meant to be.

I really get the high stress in pregnancy as I'm one of those people who freak out very easily for a long time, and since I had bleeding also, I spent the better part of the first two trimesters in bed and was too scared if I didn't even feel him move for like one hour. And once he was born, I think the fears, panics and worries went to even greater overdrive. I spent the better part of the first month in total OCD mode, freaking out over the tiniest things, afraid of accidentally doing something horrible. I freaked out over his grunts, face turning red, poop colour (green), whether he'd catch a cold if we went for doctors visits or even going for a walk, whether snot would cause breathing difficulties, eating too much, too little, breathing rates, you name it. I did exactly what you did, check his breathing the first week or two! I read way too many bad stories online and sometimes, that's such a bad idea because the internet seem to be either the worst or best case scenario.

There were even times I thought about him being older and having to leave to go to school and even that made me sad. But, it's such a blessing to have these worries.
I really can't wait to see more momo updates, they are my FAVOURITE things to read, ever. I just love hearing your perspective, and please post more photos! They are just so precious!!! They grow up so fast!

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for sharing everyone! For everyone parenting after IF, thank you for getting it. There is something...different about the experience. Granted I've only been "parenting" for like, two weeks, and much of what that entails is wiping Momo's butt and trying to figure out how to get her to not gnaw my nips to shreds (I'm getting lactation help tomorrow morning, thank god). For those who are still battling through IF-- keep battling. It often feels like there's no way out and it's never ending-- I felt that way for YEARS and came to just expect the terrible hamster wheel we felt like we were on. But somehow I got through the four years of IF, 9 months of a "high risk" P, and now the little piranha (our new nickname because of how she eats like she's going to tear the place down with her gums) is here. I'm still in disbelief. Luck and love to everyone.

Corynn

I love this new voice you are finding - I think it's an important and under represented one in the blogosphere - the voice of the early days of motherhood after the trauma of infertility. Even though we have our babies that we searched high and low for, it doesn't automatically make us part of the "mommy club". Sometimes we fit in seamlessly but sometimes we have different perspectives and struggles than women who conceived easily/naturally (I hate to use that word because it implies ours are unnatural)/without ART/whatever you want to call it and it's nice to not feel like just because we got what we wanted, we have to box up our pasts and pretend they didn't happen.

PS would love to see more pics!!!

Mandy

Maya what did you name her???????????

gaijin

Enjoy it Maya, enjoy it for the rest of the us. I know I will get there because you did. Thank you for showing such strength, Wishing you peace and love.

C

The latch was painful for a while, maybe even a month. So hard but so worth it. One day it will all be so easy, you and the baby won't think twice. If I had known how great breastfeeding would turn out to be the first month of pain would have been easier to deal with. Just keep working on that latch! And get some help with it too.
Your walk around the neighborhood reminds me of our walk we took right after I told my husband I was pregnant. We were in shock and the walk was like a dream. Pregnant on first try! Thank God for our child that pregnancy became because now here we are 4.5 years of trying for number two and failed IVFs. Secondary infertility is its own island except you are there with other people who have children - no escape when you have a child - but they keep having more babies and you and your only child just keep getting older. I am still hoping for another chance to breastfeed my way to oxytocin bliss!

Anita

Maya, it is total bliss to be reading about you and Momo. I crossed 18 weeks and sooo look forward to this insanity in August. Love, love, love your way..

Kate

I just learned about your documentary today via Twitter and have since also
checked out your wonderful blog Maya. I just wanted to pass along my
heartfelt congratulations on the birth of your daughter (and on the
success of your fundraising campaign as well). Hope you continue to enjoy
the bizarre and beautiful path of parenting after infertility. I am
confident that you will :)

Kate
www.resolvenewengland.org

Jojo

The hardships after are indeed so much better than trying to have a baby. Our horrible long journeys at least give us that perspective. That's the one small gift IF brings us. Glad you are soaking it all up Momma.

KB

This: "It's so much better to be worrying about her rather than worrying about how to get her/make her."

THANK YOU. I keep hoping I'm not wrong when I tell people that. I still have people "jokingly" say to me "just wait until... (insert bad baby thing here) and you'll long for the good old days". I know they think they're making me feel better, but I always want to scream that baby stress is so much better than "how do we GET the baby" stress. I've always worried that I was wrong about that- it's an instinct I have but I wondered if I sounded naive saying it to people with kids. But reading your blog makes it very very real and it makes me so excited to make that transition some day. I'm so happy for you- it makes my heart sing to know that there is another side to get to, and that you CAN embrace it and enjoy it after everything we've all been through. Thank you!

Sarah

You have put voice to so many of the moments I've had over the past 3 months with our little miracle baby. It's so hard to pull my face away from hers, but I can't stop looking at her and watching her either. She's yours to keep, and I'm so glad you've found her! She is lucky to have you two as her parents. I definitely agree with you that the first weeks are nothing compared to the insanity of being on IF island for years. This is good insanity.

Lauren

Thank you so much for sharing your parenting after IF story! I am still in the midst of my infertility journey and some days it is SO FREAKING HARD, but I know that someday, somehow, I will be a mom. I will find a way even if it I don't know what that way looks like right now. I have thought a lot about how pregnancy after IF will be so different (especially after being pregnant once before and miscarrying at 10 weeks), but it is interesting for me to think about how parenting after IF will be different. I guess there really is no "after IF" - our experiences with IF will always be a part of our story. || Lauren www.everylittlemoment.com

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